


Hell or high water

by taurussieben



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Crowe is so done with them, Friends With Benefits, Hurt, Ignis Scientia/Crowe Altius - Freeform, M/M, Make Up, Noctis is bad at feelings, Nyx is Bad at Feelings, dancer!Nyx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2020-10-29 11:14:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20795732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taurussieben/pseuds/taurussieben
Summary: Some love stories are doomed from the beginning. When Noctis and Nyx fall into a turbulent affair, neither of them is ready for the consequences. A story about love, loss, finding oneself and walking your own path.





	1. Leave the light on

**Author's Note:**

> This took a while, like seriously. I have written it in like two weeks but the editing was massive. So, I'm here one year later ready to finally release this into the wild. It is still not perfect, but well, either it is now or never. This is also a cursed fic, because after starting beta reading it, both beta needed to step down because of real life... hehehe... uhh...  
Anyway, I loved writing it. Posting will be every weekend - so eight weeks of drama to go.  
Tags will be added on the go, as I don't want to spoil stuff, you can either ping me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sparklefly2) if you have a major concern or just wait like eight weeks until the posting is finished. 
> 
> Art is by [ScarlettArbuckle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettArbuckle/profile).

I should have known, should have tried to hold on  
And never left your heart where it don't belong  
If the wind would change, bring you back again, my love  
Come Hell or high water, we will rise above  
You are what I believe in  
You are enough  
(Hell or High Water - Billy Raffoul)

Now

The steady hum of the car engine as he rolled down the highway gave Nyx a sense of something new. With every turn of the small van's wheels, the trunk filled with his most valuable possessions; he felt less like running away and more on the path _to_ something. As he crossed the town border of Insomnia and saw the buildings in the rear-view-mirror getting smaller and smaller, he breathed out. Until the last moment, he had hoped, had wished that he had not been too late. That there would be a specific mop of black hair weaving through the crowd, blue eyes blinking up at him through thick eyelashes, and a downturned mouth would wish him goodbye.

As they had loaded up the van, Nyx had raised a questioning eyebrow at Ignis who had just shrugged. "I told him. It's a—"

"I understand." He did, but it's how the saying goes, hope dies last.

He shifted the gear and pressed on. There was no turning back now. If he had done this earlier, perhaps then… But wallowing on the 'if's' and 'when's' had never been his mindset, so why should he start, and still… He sighed and turned on the radio, letting the faint sounds of the latest pop craze drift around him, providing a distraction as he started to sing along very off-tune.

Four hours later he turned into a small gas station to pump and to find coffee to keep him going, his thermos being long empty. He turned on his phone, and besides a reminder to drive safe from Crowe and a note to call him when he had arrived from Libertus, it was void of any messages. He sighed and blinked against the sunlight. There was no helping it, he had done it. Should he have talked earlier, should he have been gentler? But they promised each other the truth, and this was the one thing he had always upheld and given Noctis.

Even that night, even if it had been a brutal truth: They would not work.

Thinking and saying those words had hurt. Nyx looked at his knuckles, fresh pink skin the only reminder of why he had needed to decide. The shaking of his head earned him a raised eyebrow from the cashier. Nyx shrugged it away with a sheepish smile and paid for the coffee, bagels and the gas. It should hold until he had arrived home.

Home. A place he hadn't thought about for quite some time. Probably, since he left Galahd and his mother behind to make his way to Insomnia to pursue his dream of dancing. It had worked. It had taken years and years of dedication, setbacks and some scolding from Crowe to make it, but he had made it, _they_ had made it. And yet, his past caught up with him.

Noctis.

He took a swig of the too bitter coffee and a bite of the soggy bagel. He imgained being of those tormented heroes in Crowe's romance novels, she had always hidden with great care. Alone and sad, distressed and agonizing about his place in the world.  
He thumbed through his phone, hovering over Noctis’ contact. After a breath, he locked the phone, checked his stuff in the back, and set out again.

The roads were nearly empty, most drifted to the highways to Altissia and further. He had taken on the scenic route, getting reacquainted with the world around him.

After he had set foot into Insomnia, he had seen no reason to set his foot out of it again. Perhaps that was a mistake. One of many.

He exhaled.

He made them. Repeatedly, and now he needed to get over them.

He bid the endless city and Noctis a silent goodbye.

Hopefully, someday, they both would forgive him.

* * *

  
Noctis studied the contact on his phone, traced Nyx' picture again and again. There was a smirk on his face. The image was everything Nyx was, his eyes kinda mocking, cruel even. Noctis clicked on it and hovered over the deletion button. He closed his eyes before slumping down and turning the phone around. The whiskey he nibbled at burned down his throat, flowing into his stomach, making him queasy, was it his first or the fifth? He lost track of so many things. When had he even entered the bar? Time was flowing together. Did he need to work the next day? By the Six, he had no clue. Already fumbling for his phone, he remembered.  
No, Ignis had kicked him out. Spoke about getting a clear head, even Gladios had declined the request of a training session, talked about running him into the ground. And Prompto had not picked up his phone when Noctis had called. Ugh. Why had he even friends? He studied the bottom of yet another glass. Should he order another, keep drowning all of it out? But would it help? Decisions, decisions, he needed to make so many, but his mind was full of slug, unable to pull a decent thought out.

Shit, shit. Shit.

Wild eyes. Strong hands and an athletic body breaking the laws of physics.

Fuck why was this so hard?

Another patron dropped on the chair beside him, a gruff voice ordered a beer. Noctis slumped down, defeated.  
"How did you find me?" He kept staring into the glass, wondering if he would be the lucky one to find the correct answer at the bottom.

Libertus took a sip before answering. "Ignis ratted you out."

"Go figure." He should have expected that. Ignis was and would always be a mother-hen.

"He worries. They all do." Libs tone was not condescending, but it was close.

"And you can help?" Noctis scowled.  
  
Libs chuckled. "Perhaps not. But there might be answers I can give."

"What answers?" Fuck it, he signaled the bartender for another one. He saw the man hesitate, but complying.

Libs shrugged. "Depends on the question."

A lull stretched between them. The sounds of the bar flowing around them, coming and going in waves. Like the tide of the endless ocean outside licked at the shores, the surrounding people were licking at them. The clink of glasses, voices calling for orders, the murmur of the people rising and falling like waves, the crooning of a female voice out of the speakers. Noctis felt crowded and alone.

"Why?" It was crocked and pressed and confused. It was the only question written in bold neon letters in his mind.

Libs took another sip, putting his bottle down with extra care. "He tried to explain, but I'm not sure I got it. Sometimes when shit is done to you, you need to leave. And more often than not, the direction is to where the demons had been born." He shrugged. "Nyx fought, all his life he fought for everything, but overall, he fought himself. More than once, he lost, but he never stopped fighting." He swallowed. "Nyx never thought about _what_ he fought, and now he is tired, exhausted even." Libs stared into the bottle for a moment. "And he didn't want to drag you down with him."

"I'm stronger than I look." Indignation, stubborn. His pride was hurt.

Libs shrugged and finally looked over, crooking his head to the side. "Perhaps."

He threw Libs a look, desperate. "I could have helped him."

"Maybe." A harsh glint in Libs' eyes accompanied what he said; he was a lousy liar.

"I'm sure." Noctis furrowed his brows. What was Libs getting at?

"Maybe." Again. Fucking maybe. "We will never know." Libs snorted at a sudden thought. "You know Nyx, once he has decided, nothing can change it. Stubborn ass. And so that's it what he will do, all the one hundred miles, down to the end."

"What happens now?" Noctis looked at his hands.

"Nothing."

The word surprised Noctis. "But—" it also confused him.

"Look at me, Noctis." With some reluctance, Noctis turned his head and found steel in other times soft eyes. "Listen, there is nothing. Not the slightest thing. Nyx is now in Galahd, and we don't know if he will ever return. There may have been something between the two of you, and maybe even more than you were both ready to acknowledge, but for now, this is over." He paused. "I don't say this to hurt you, but this is the only truth I can give you." He said softer, more gentle. "I'm sorry I can't give anything else." He took the last gulp and put the empty bottle back on the bar, with a squeeze to Noctis' shoulder he walked away, Noctis stared after him until the crowd swallowed him up.

For a long moment, Noctis felt nothing. Just nothing. His hand sneaked to the phone, turning it around, unlocking it. Nyx' portrait looked back at him. But this time it looked sad and apologetic. Ignis took the call on the first ring.

"Can you come and get me?" Noctis asked in the void between them. There was nothing anymore.

Nothing left.

Not even splinters.

He had lost.

* * *

* * *

  
Then

"Oi, earth to Noctis, you in there?" Noctis blinked at the hand being waved in front of his eyes. He blinked again to attach it to a body. His friend Prompto stood in front of him, a mild look of concern on his handsome face.  
"Yeah, yeah." Noctis sighed, he knew he was hiding, but only a handful of the people gathered here, knew who he was, he, Noctis Caelum Lucis, sole heir and successor to the Lucis' fortune. Reclusive to some, spoiled brat to others, he kept out of the spotlights and high society gatherings. The only thing that made him attend today was the promise to his father, and Regis' guarantee to him, that he had hired the Kingsglaive Dance Company as part of the entertainment, even if the gathered high society did not care for this kind of show. Maybe Noctis would even find the courage to speak to one specific man again. But no guarantees.

He smiled at the memory, prompting the rise of an eyebrow from Prompto. He changed it to a smirk and slipped through the door from the balcony back into the ballroom, the glittering and the stuffiness of the high society embracing him. It took everything in him not to just turn around and walk out again.

Kingsglaive company, he murmured to himself, Kingsglaive company and Nyx Ulric.

  
When Noctis turned six, he believed with all the seriousness only one at his age possessed that he'd seen it all. Taken across the world by his Uncle Cor, on behalf of his father Regis Lucis, the head of one of the biggest companies in the world, he had seen more than your average six-year-old. So it came to no surprise, that like the little terror he was, he crossed his arms, scrunched up his face and was ready to make his displeasure about the evening proceedings very much known.

Uncle Cor promised him a whole day of fun and adventure, of just them time. They got ice cream for breakfast, wandered through the zoo, the cinema, ate waffles, and got a whole ice skating rink for them. It had been a day filled with laughter and joy, so much that his cheeks and the sides of his stomach hurt. It could also be because of all the sweets they had consumed.

But the moment Cor told him they needed to make a short stop, it meant in his little brain, that the day of fun was over and the promise given broken, so he did the sensible thing any six-year-old would do, he sulked. He knew too well he could not get his Uncle to let the errand go—Cor was responsible like that—but it still sucked.

"Oi Cor, what kind of kitten have you gotten yourself there?" Noctis looked around. He could not see any kittens. Noctis liked kittens, even if they sometimes tried to scratch him. Turning his head, he tried to find who had said that and saw the face of a stranger looking expectantly down at him. The other was big and looked different from any man Noctis had ever seen. And he had seen quite a lot. Father's secretaries, the big man around his father, the man that kept him safe, Cor's friends. But this man looked different. The hair was full of braids and beads, which made a low clacking sound, every time he moved his head. And the eyes danced with silent laughter. Nobody ever smiled so freely at him. Father's smile held sadness before he looked away, he always looked away —and Cor's held something like, well, he did not quite know the word for it, but Noctis didn't like it. Other people he met had cold smiles, it never quite reaching their eyes. This smile held warmth, the gray eyes full of twinkles.

Cor laughed, his big hands ruffling his hair. Did that mean—"I'm no kitten, I'm Nox." It was close enough to his real name, and he liked it. He shared it with his plushie, it made him feel close, made him belonging to someone, even when Cor frowned at him.

The smile of the stranger got even more abundant. "Nox, the kitten.", there was a faint chuckle. Noctis scowled at him and shrieked surprised when he was thrown in the air. Two large hands caught him, and he found himself put on a pair of broad shoulders.

"Ulric, what are you doing?" Cut Cor's rough voice through the sudden confusion.

"Playing with the kitten." Noctis saw Cor roll his eyes. His father always scolded Noctis when he did that. Adults were so unfair, making up their own rules.

"Only you Ulric, only you." But Noctis saw Cor smile.

Noctis felt the shrug of the man through the shoulders, but the hands held him secure at the legs. The stranger, Ulric, angled his head upward. "So kitten, what happened?" They fell into step beside Cor. Noctis looked around from his new vantage point. He had never been in this building; it looked like a cinema, but where the screen should be was a big stage. His Uncle called it a theater. It was Noctis suspect.  
"It's my birthday, and Cor promised me the whole day." He heard a sigh from beside them, and he felt guilty. If he was honest, this day had been impressive, and now, when Cor helped someone, Noctis made him feel sad.

"Sorry, pumpkin." Cor began.

"It's my fault, Nox." Came the voice from the other man, the rumble of it vibrated through his tiny body.

It piqued his curiosity. He looked down, but he only saw the hair, black, like his own. "It is?" He heard a chuckle.

"Yeah, I forgot something important, and your uncle is kind enough to bring it over," Ulric said with a smile in his voice.

"It's okay." He said mollified. His father always told him, to behave in front of others, that it was crucial. He looked over to Cor, who smiled at him.

"How do you do that, Ulric?" Cor sounded awed.

Noctis moved with another shrug. "So your birthday, anything exciting happened?" Noctis nodded, too late realizing that the other could not see it. So he babbled, in later years it would embarrass him how much he talked in the next half an hour, while the adults did whatever they needed to do, without the stranger setting him down or losing his grip on him.

Noctis never remembered falling asleep. He woke as someone settled him down. The face of the stranger just inches before him. "Did I wake you kitten?"

"Was not sleep'n." He mumbled while rubbing his eyes.

A hand ruffled his hair. "I believe you."

Noctis looked around. "Where is Uncle Cor?" The stranger pointed to the end of the rows of chairs, where his Uncle debated something with yet another man Noctis did not know. By the looks of it, it could take a while. When adults looked like that, all proper and severe, they talked hours about boring adult topics. He sniffed. He tried to be as silent as possible, but the stranger, what did Cor call him again, still picked it up. At least his eyes snapped to him, and there was something in his gaze, Noctis later learned was called understanding.

"Ever seen a company dance?" His eyes just watched him, never commenting on the sniffle.

Noctis blinked and thought. "Company dancing?"

The other looked aghast. "Any idea what dancing is, kitten?"

"I'm not sure?" He had a vague sense of the word, but he could not associate it. It seemed important. "What is it?"

The other winked at him. "Better, I will show you."

With that, he walked down and shouted for other people. Four of them made for the stage and climbed onto it. Music started; it seemed to come from every direction. Noctis looked around. He saw Cor throwing them a look, that said, "I see what you are doing there, but I will pretend not to notice." Noctis knew that one well. He looked back to the stage because the people began to move. Noctis had never seen something that compared even a bit. He remembered what dancing was, the moving of bodies to sounds. He knew ballet and classical dancing, but this wild performance, full of drums and rhythms he never heard before, full of laughter and happy faces, of bodies moving as one, before breaking loose into their own again. Even now, years later, he still felt the drums in his bones, the rhythm beating in his heart and remembers the sinful movements of the man and woman of the dance company he visited that day. Well, now they seemed wicked. As six years old, he was just struck by awe.

He needed years to find out, which company they visited on their rehearsal day, and even longer to find the name of the man who called him kitten: Dance prodigy Nyx Ulric of the Kingsglaive dance company.

After that day he pestered his Uncle to enroll him into a dance course. He wanted to experience the same joy they had, wanted to do the same movements, and follow the same uncompromising rhythm, so different from the world he navigated, with stiff gatherings and proper behavior. But to his utter mortification, he failed, tone-deaf the teachers said. It shattered him; he had glimpsed freedom, which was torn from him again.  
Two years later, after an unfortunate accident that almost crippled him, Cor, to strengthen his muscles again enrolled him in a karate class. To the first class, Noctis went with a high level of reluctance, even the promise of his father picking him up after the lessons did not sweeten the deal for him. But he figured he owed Cor, for always helping him, even if he was a little shit.  
As he stood there, following the first movements the trainer showed him, and later when the man danced the first kata and a more advanced one, to the sheer joy of his new students, Noctis thought he was dancing.

So, when his father came around, he threw himself into his arms, ignoring the twinge of pain in his back. He even smiled at Clarus, his father's shadow, who always scared him otherwise.  
  
Things perked up even more when he discovered the internet and the myriad of videos of famous dancers and martial arts performances. And in between them all, he found Nyx Ulric.

Ignis, the son of one of his father's friends, who kept following him, would call him a stalker, Gladio, a friend from his karate class and the son of Noctis' father bodyguard, would challenge him to a mock fight, and Prompto, a kid they picked up along the way, would just return to playing his games. But they all would sneak in with him to yet another performance of the Kingsglaives; would skip school to watch them rehearse, without being detected (thanks to Prompto's father owning quite a few theaters and him knowing the in's and out's of such establishments) and would encourage him to get Ulric's autograph, which he always chickened out from. And if he had his own sexual awakening with one of the more erotic dance videos, featuring a half-naked Ulric with his dance partner Crowe Altius, unable to tear his eyes away from this abs and the muscular chest, and that bulge, well, that would remain his little secret.

So, when he turned twenty-three, and his father, who insisted about throwing him a party, well two, one for Noctis and his friends and one to appease his business contacts, and he asked whom he should invite as entertainment, Noctis did not even think about his answer.

With a raised eyebrow at the unusualness of it, Regis Lucis hired the Kingsglaives company for an individual performance to one of the top-notch parties in Insomnia.

And now Noctis was here, watching the Kingsglaive company doing their perfect thing, while he followed enraptured. He blended out the still talking people, who did not even spare a glance to the magnificent dancers. Why were humans incapable of admiring something just for like ten goddamn minutes? Something he would never understand. He applauded enthusiastically with the more lukewarm ones, a behavior that earned him a knowing grin from Prompto. He felt the heat rising in his cheeks, by the Six, he was twenty-three and behaving like a teen with his first crush.

While the moderator made announcements, Noctis turned and found Prompto waving at him, pointing at an opened door. As he drew closer, his friend pushed him through it, and everything became dark when it closed behind him. He blinked into the darkness, still trying to understand. There was the suspicious sound of a key being turned. Noctis turned around and tried the handle, but it would not give. He knew the building, so he knew how to get back to the party, but that did not explain Prompto's behavior. There he picked it up, faint laughter, voices, shuffling. A light that came from below illuminated the staircase at the end of the dark hallway. He walked closer and got down one, another one, a third one. After he rounded the last corner, he stood at the edge of the Kingsglaive company, all with plates and drinks, throwing banter around. The moment they saw him, they stopped.  
  
"Lost kitten?" said a voice against his ear. Noctis shivered, which earned him a raised eyebrow and a glint in blue-gray eyes. Nyx Ulric stood behind him, an easy smile on his lips, harboring on a smirk.  
  
"And if so?" He crossed his arms, and turned half, angling his head, to look up from under his fringes. A challenge.   
  
Catcalls followed.  
  
"Shall I show you the way then, little kitten?" There was a definite smirk on his lips, his eyes racking up and down Noctis' body. It did things to Noctis, bad (beautiful) things. Nyx stepped down, coming to a stop on the same step as him.  
  
"What makes you think, I will follow a stray?" More laughter sounded. A new glint appeared in Nyx' eyes, it was approval.  
  
"Uh oh, whoever said I'm a stray, is lying, I'm a wonderful breed." Someone snorted to his left. "Don't listen to Crowe. She never understood my magnificence."  
  
She snorted as answer.  
  
"Give it up, Ulric. He will not fall for your charm." Another one called.

Nyx blinked. "But everybody does!"  
  
"No, not we." Rancid laughter.  
  
"That's just because we know who you are." Spoke a man from behind Crowe, Libertus if Noctis remembered correctly. A close friend of Ulric, shorter and bit rounder than the leader.  
  
"Sh idiots, not in front of the prey." Nyx put a finger on his lips.  
  
"So, I'm now the prey," Noctis interjected, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Huh, well… care for a dance, kitten, before I bring you home?" More laughter, followed by a beat of silence.

Noctis heard the music spill down from the ballroom above. He looked for a moment at the extended hand. Here went nothing. He knew he could decline, and nothing would be different. He talked to the man he admired for years from afar, and that was it. He remembered the music video from years back. And saw it, the sculpted body through the thin t-shirt, the sinful muscles rippling along the arm and shoulders as Nyx shifted. The roughish smile and endless eyes. Without thinking further about it, he grabbed the hand. A heartbeat and Nyx dragged him down the stairs in front of the others, some of them already swaying in pairs.  
Noctis swallowed, the failed dance classes floating through his brain.  
  
"Just, let go. Sink into the rhythm, I will guide you." The dancer murmured into his ear, the breath warm and moist. And Noctis followed. He stopped thinking and let himself have this. There would be no occasion again —this was his only chance to touch his crush without being creepy. Nyx pulled him closer, and together they swayed. It felt heavenly. The rippling of the tight muscles, strong hands and fingers, who cradled him, the humming of the same tune around them in his ear. When the music changed, Nyx let him go, studying him a moment before smiling.

A hand on his arms dragged him away over to the main entrance. After they rounded a corner, out of prying eyes, Nyx stopped and turned around. The hand was now on his cheek, eyes glittering in front of him.

"Now is the chance to say No." A heartbeat, another. And then Nyx kissed him like nobody had kissed him before. No careful questioning, no tasting, Nyx plunged right in, demanding entrance, holding him steady and Noctis let go. It felt like hours before Nyx eased up again, reluctant. He chuckled.

"We should stop here." Noctis pouted, which earned him a chaste kiss to his lips. Nyx pointed to a dim outline a few steps further, making the shape of a door. "There you will find your party again." He smiled at Noctis. "Go, little kitten." And Noctis went. He stepped through the door and leaned a moment against it, savoring the experience. His lips still tingled. He had flirted with Nyx, and Nyx had kissed him. He very much needed a moment to get himself together again, being on the bring of a fangirl breakdown. A stupid grin broke out, he could not control. Prompto looked over when he rejoined his friends, with a question written all over his face. Noctis gave him a thumbs up and winked at him. His friend smiled, probably thinking he had just talked to him. Well, he would not discourage him from that notion, because they had talked.

Everything else was just for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Was it? Find out next week in Chapter 2 - Starfire!
> 
> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are my life. I love reading them and replying to them.


	2. Starfire

My heart is very far from here  
So far from here  
It was my decision to leave you behind  
There was no time it was colder about mine  
Your face and your heart still burn in my mind  
Burn in my mind  
It's not easy  
To forget you after our time  
…  
I wanna take your hand  
(The Souls - Close my eyes)

Now

The gravel crunched under Nyx’ feet as he set them down. The numbness from the too prolonged sitting in the van receded, leaving him tired and spaced out not yet understanding he was home, the one place he swore to never to return to. Distant cries of seagulls greeted him, mixing with the slow crash of the ocean waves and the distinctive salty smell of the near harbor. He blinked into the light of the dipping sun.

Home. 

The waves called inside him, coming and going, raising with him, through the azure blue water he danced in as a kid, deep diving and racing. Took him on a wobbly boat, and not enough safety measures. The laughter of him and his sister, Crowe and Libs, Luche and all the others, as they raced each other, dived from the cliffs, hid in the woods behind the town, explored a world, that seemed endless for their short legs and small hands. They ran everywhere, never stopping or letting up. Until—  
The open and closing of a door brought him back, he turned. He saw the form of his mother, still standing ramrod straight, regardless of what life ever threw her way. The years have painted once dark hair gray. For a second, everything was in reverse. She stood and watched as he packed his things and went to Insomnia, never saying a word, never saying goodbye, standing and watching. Also waiting? But she never told him for what.

Should he turn around, search for another place? Search for another home? Blueish eyes, a lithe body, the rhythm of music. He sighed. He promised to stop running, to get this all under control, that deep bubbling ocean, the crashing waves, the gathering storm. 

"I was not sure if you want to stay here." There was the faintest of tremors in her voice. The years stood between them, like the ocean outside. Deep and endless. Both clueless on how to bridge the gap. Not quite strangers, but passers-by, that meet up again. 

Nyx swallowed. "I'd like to stay here with you." Right here.   
She looked over, studying him, after a few tense seconds she nodded, something unclenching in her, giving away, not quite a smile, but lighter. 

Perhaps they could do it. Live again like… a family. 

She had made room in the garage for his bike and moved some old stuff around in the old storage room above it so he could make it his own special place. Together, they moved some furniture from his old room there. After they finished, he stopped in front of the door of his sister’s room. 

"I left it as it was. I just dust from time to time." He nodded and moved on. Not today. 

After his mother left for bed, he walked outside. He took a deep breath. The wind was chilly and ruffling his hair; as if it scolded him. He walked the garden path to the street in slow steps, and from there, he let himself drift down to the shore, his feet finding the way without thinking about it. Not much had changed, buildings painted in bright colors, a different corner store, a few more trees. But it was all the same. At the late hour, some people still mingled outside, they greeted him like a long-lost neighbor, even if he was now a stranger to most.

He found the cliff with little difficulty. The ocean always kept calling. High above a few seagulls still cried their strange and high-pitched song and on earth, the waves never let up. It was all identical to Insomnia and yet different. No massive ships greeted him in the distance. No lights twinkled on the other side of the bay, only the deep gray of the sunken sun remained and the darkness that followed her, the sea a rich black glittering from time to time. 

He inhaled and exhaled. The air was different, more salty, fresher even. The vibration of his phone brought him back. He thumbed it open and answered Crowe that he had arrived safe and intact, had not yet started a screaming match with his mother and yes, that he would live with her.

"Did you say hello to your sister?" He did not answer that, Crowe already knew what he would write.

No, he had not.

There was always tomorrow.

Exhaustion seeped around him, sinking into his bones. It would take another week before Luche needed him, so he could do what he wanted, get acclimatized again, learning the layout of the city he was born to, so he could walk its streets with his eyes closed. Or explore the woods, climb the mountain range trying to be the king of the world again, recapturing the moment of being a kid and atop of the game and nothing can reach you.

He sighed, and maybe he could also heal.

The days passed by, crawling along. Nyx found himself in a detached rhythm, get up in the morning, run, get the breakfast started, eat with his mother, run some errands for her, repairing something in the house, explore the city and what lay beyond, return home and in the evening, after his mother had gone to bed, he would be the ghost in the night and watch the waves break.

The day he started with Luche, his mother looked at him, with an all to known frown on her face.

"Going back to your stuff?" And made a wave gesture with her hand at his duffle back. Stuff. She couldn’t even say it out loud. _Dancing_. He was going dancing again. There were a hundred things he did not understand about his mother on any other day, but this would be forever a mystery. So he just looked at her for a few seconds, then turned and walked out.

Perhaps tomorrow he would go into _that_ rabbit hole.

Today he danced.

* * *

Noctis felt regret. Not in an instant. In the beginning, it was a vague, uncomfortable growling in the pit of his stomach. Like he should have known better like he should have made a different decision, but he was a very stubborn person. 

And it hurt, so much.

So when the question arose of seeing Nyx off, he chose to not listen. 

He threw himself into the work of the company and at night got drunk in seedy bars.

Stubborn.

Not a month later came the regret, but it was too late. Well, he could have written to Nyx. But then, about what?

So he pushed it away into the far reaches of his mind and kept going.

The realization came on soft feet, catching him unaware.

It had not only been Nyx who was not ready to pursue an earnest relationship. When Ignis offered to drive him to say goodbye, to get closure, Noctis did not want closure, but he had wished to hurt, wanted to be justified in his self-pity and wallowing. Then, it seemed fitting; now, there was only emptiness and regret.

Again he was the six-year-old brat, that did not get the whole day of undivided attention as promised.

They only had spoken about being honest with each other. And this was what Nyx had done. He had told him the truth, was being honest and up-front. And he had not been ready to meet Nyx with the same level of maturity, had only seen himself. Felt his own pain with no regard to the turmoil Nyx had been in. He had not only left Noctis behind but also his family and the company. The very company, which he had built up from the ground together with Crowe and Libs. This, the going away had not been a decision to spite him, it had nothing to do with Noctis, and perhaps that was what hurt the most; he was merely the last drop in the vast ocean of problems.

A cataclysm, but not the reason. 

Noctis had projected himself on the other man, maybe he had done it the whole time. 

  
"What is going on?" 

Noctis raised his head and blinked at the sudden intrusion into his thoughts. He looked at Cor who stood before him, watching him with worry.

"Oh, is it my turn already?" Noctis looked around the dojo, but there was nobody anymore. What was going on? He scrunched his eyebrows and looked over to his uncle again, who still watched him with a careful tilt to his head.

"I got the impression that if I had sent you out today, they would have injured you." He sat down.

"Sorry," Noctis said it with a sigh, too weary to care.

"So, what is going on?" The eyes narrowed at him.

He had a strong belief there was no escaping it; it paired with the suspicion that both Clarus and his father had sent Cor, to talk to him. He had ditched the family gatherings in the last weeks, keeping to himself.

"I know now what it means to be an adult." There was some difficulty to breathe.

"Ah, Nyx." That name still stabbed right into the middle of his heart. 

"Yes." He looked down at his hands. What else should he say? That they had been right, about the whole thing, that he now nursed a broken heart and a million regrets?

There was a sigh. "You may not believe us, but while we had our reservations about the relationship, we only wanted you to be happy. And for some time it was enough." Cor said. "What happened?"

Noctis interlaced his fingers to keep them from trembling. "He returned home."

"Why?" Cor's voice held a hint of worry, but it also curiosity.

Noctis sighed. "He said, his life is a mess, and he needs to sort himself out. And he said that he stopped running."

Cor was silent for a moment. And then he laughed. Noctis looked bewildered at him. Cor raised his hands in a pacifying gesture. "I'm sorry. You see. We always thought Nyx was kinda flashy, not earnest enough for an heir to the Lucis' company. Too in the wind. Too much a dancer."

"But, mother had also been a dancer?" 

Cor chuckled. "That may be true, but she also came from a good family, and knew what being in the high society meant. Nyx not as much. And yet, what an interesting thing to do." There was a twinkle in Cor's eyes. "Did he ever say, when he will return?"

Noctis shook his head. "No, he helps friends up there with their company and—" He broke and swallowed. "And he did not specify that he will _ever_ return." His eyes burned again, he would not break down in front of his uncle. There had been enough tears in the last weeks. Cor kept silent, but the heavy hand on his shoulder was warm and secure. It grounded him into the real world. 

And that was enough for the moment.

* * *

* * *

Then

As Noctis swirled his drink, he tried to find out how he ended up in the Crystal, a dingy bar/club somewhere in downtown. Despite discovering it some weeks ago, he had always chickened out to enter it. Now, on the tails of a lost bet, he sat at the sparsely light bar, watching the precise movements of the bartender. The uncovered underarms were delicious manly, the hands big. Just like Noctis preferred, but watching those muscles shift, it conjured up different ones. Hands he still could feel on his waist, it melted together with the taste of lips and tongue on him, and the view of stormy eyes. A shiver ran down his back, ending in a tingle at the end of his spine. 

Nyx Ulric had been a force that had Noctis blown out of the orbit. He took a nip and let the alcohol burn down to his stomach. It was intense, giving him the feeling as if he was dancing on edge, and Noctis could tip over any minute. He had never been a big drinker, always preferred the clearness of his mind, and being able to make decisions based on facts rather than emotions, but since Ulric, something had knocked loose in him, and he welcomed the moment of oblivion that brought it with it. He signaled another one to the bartender who obliged. Taking the glass, Noctis turned around in his seat.

Only a few people mingled at the time of the night. Just shy after ten pm. Most would come around in an hour, getting their night fix before moving on, or staying here hours until the club closed and left them cold and shivering in the fresh night air. Noctis had walked their path when he had been younger. 

Prompto was an enabler, always seeking new venues and clubs in a quest for something; he had never told them what he searched for. He danced his heart out and sometimes drank too much. They made sure he made it home safe, one reason Noctis seldom drank. A few bodies danced close, but it was by far the usual pressed crowd, where you had trouble to make out where one person began, and other ended. The light pulsed and danced around them, sometimes white, sometimes all the colors of the rainbow. He looked further at the stage with poles on it. The bartender had assured him that this was not a strip club, but for the exotic dancers, who were there to entice the masses. 

Noctis thought about leaving and returning to the apartment he shared with Ignis and just call it a night, as the lights changed and a single spot shriveled around to the stage, illuminating the middle pole. A few seconds later, Noctis almost dropped the drink. There was the one and only Nyx Ulric, only clad tight shorts, dusted with silver glitter. Noctis swallowed, he was sure he had died, and this was some kind of heaven or a specific form of hell. Those shorts. He must have painted them on.

The music started, and Noctis needed to force himself to keep breathing. Ulric was not just an exotic dancer that used the pole as a mere requisite, but he fucking climbed the pole and wind himself around it in poses that should defy gravity. Like, how did he remain at the metal thing, anyway? It was the most prolonged torture Noctis ever endured, even if it was only like four to five minutes. It was freaking insane.

After the set had finished and Ulric left, and the usual music started up again, together with the dancing lights, Noctis turned around and stared at his drink, like he had seen another dimension.

"First time seeing him, kid?" 

Noctis looked over to the bartender smirking at him. "At least not like that." There was a wink, and the barkeeper moved on to the next customer. Noctis could understand the sudden onslaught of them he felt quite thirsty himself. He did not know how long he stared at the amber liquid that remained in his glass, but another drink materialized next to it. His head snapped up, and he stared now in another smirking face. Nyx fucking Ulric. Noctis must have looked confused because Ulric just laughed.

"Fancy meeting you here, kitten."

Noctis could not keep the blush out of his face. "This is all by coincidence. I'm not stalking you."

Nyx shrugged. "My colleague told me you looked shocked." There was a glint in his eyes, glittering in the fading light of the spot that had swept over them. "Was it my charming presence on the stage, that had left you shocked to the bones?"

"Does your ego still go through the door or do they need to lower you down through the roof?" He retorted and downed the rest of the previous drink. He put the glass in front of Nyx, who had changed to the same uniform as the other barkeeper. Noctis narrowed his eyes. "How many roles are you playing?" 

Nyx just rolled his shoulders back, taking the glass to put it away. "As many as I like."

Noctis hummed, watching him. "Not for the money?"

"No, for meeting cute guys like you."

Noctis sputtered, and Nyx laughed again. Noctis liked that laugh a lot, it was carefree, and with no malicious intent, just a sound uttered at the moment, free, unbound. A wet towel that found its way to his head made him stop. Nyx threw a playful glower at his colleague but smiled then apologetic. "You plan to stay here?" 

Noctis looked down at his glass and shrugged his shoulders. "Should I?" He raised his head and held Nyx' gaze. It earned him an approving glint and a crocked head.

"Yeah, yeah, I think you should." The words were a lazy drawl, soft and filled with so much sex that Noctis needed to suppress a shiver. Instead, he raised his glass, praising himself for steady hands, and saluted him. Nyx laughed again and joined his colleague in the demands of the customers.   
  
The night went by in a blur. In between Noctis changed to water, because keeping on drinking would hinder any plans he might have had that night. When there was a short lull Nyx, and sometimes his friend would join him, and they would talk, flirt, or just trade insults. In between, he would go dancing, not deep into the crowd, but on the outer edges an eye or his full gaze on Nyx, who would watch, under the pretense not to.  
Noctis would dare to dance with other men, grinding into some stranger, slipping out of greedy hands or too close contact. When he returned to the bar, sweaty and out of breath, with a fresh drink waiting for him, he would have Nyx dark eyes raking over him. Noctis let himself fall into the power he seemed to hold over the other man. He never had done this slow-burning game, always wished to be confident enough to pull it off. And here he was, doing just that, and it felt so good, so powerful, it aroused him.

At around three am, Nyx moved in his line of view. "Care for a dance, beautiful?" Without hesitation, Noctis took the hand offered to him.

It was different. The same different the whole night was. The same different he had experienced at his birthday party in a dark alcove in a dark hallway. This was Ulric different. A strong body pressed against his own, closer than he had ever thought it would be possible. Deep gray eyes like the stormy sea on a dark day held his gaze so profound that Noctis had feared to combust any second, or he may get a nosebleed, like in Prompto's comics.

But he could still breathe; he was still in his body. He was still here in Ulric's arms again, and without hesitation, the other man kissed him. As if they had just left off mere seconds, not days, ago, kissed him with the same fervor as he had at the party, with the same passion, he had seen there. There he had withdrawn, now, the body was pressing closer, his hard length and arousal clear, his arms locking them in place, as they swayed and moved and kissed and kissed and kissed. When the oxygen ran out, they broke away, coming together again, and again and again. 

"Want to call it a night?" The voice in his ear was soft and deep. It sparked another round of arousal through Noctis. His answer was another deep kiss and a playful nip at the underlip. Nyx growled at him, a sound that went straight to other parts of Noctis’ body. "I will meet you outside in ten minutes." Was all he got before Nyx shoved him towards the bar and left him alone. 

He paid his drink tab and left a considerable tip before he set foot into the fresh night air. It was still cold for early spring, but it only helped him to get his arousal down to a faint simmer, it cleared parts of the fog before his eyes and let him think about what would be happening. Did he want that? He was not a virgin, a handful of one-night stands littered his glorious dating life; this would be just another one. So did he want that? He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing. 

As he opened them again, Nyx stood a few feet away, watching him. Not coming closer, not saying a word, not reacting. Like he knew that Noctis was jittery, that he would run away at the slightest movement. Poised on edge, about to dive off a cliff without knowing what would be. He looked again and found in Nyx' gaze only understanding. This was it at the end that made Noctis step into his direction. As he was close enough, Nyx reached for him. There was a last intense gaze before Nyx dragged him at his hand through the night streets of Insomnia. The fell into a natural step, Nyx never letting go of his hand. 

None of his previous affairs had done that. But as he had already gained Nyx differed from all the other men he had met so far. 

The way to Nyx' apartment was short, a short ride in an elevator and they stood in front of an inconspicuous door, in deep red.

Noctis barely got a foot through it, when Nyx kicked the door closed behind them and pressed him against it, a hot mouth demanding entry at once. Noctis let him in, deeper and deeper, fingers dancing over his clothes, teasing at the seam of his jeans, grabbing his ass, kneading, pressing them both closer and closer, until he was not sure, where one ended, and one began just like the dancers in the club. 

This was the moment of truth, the point to either stop and go, to spare Noctis the humiliation or to just keep going. All the kissing and groping and dancing, were never a problem, but getting naked had its rules, Noctis preferred to keep the clothes on, to hide the marks on his body, that had been left by the nasty accident so many years ago. 

But Nyx was different.

A force, a storm.

Different.

He must have stilled because Nyx leaned back, searching his eyes.

"Hi, if you don't want to anymore, no pressure, you are free to go." How was the voice so smooth through the heavy breathing?

Noctis worried his underlip, he didn't want to talk about it, but he still wanted to make the other show what was going on without showing. Before Nyx could withdraw any further, Noctis took one of his hands from the waist and nudged it further up his back under the shirt, were the worst of his scars sat. He kept his steady gaze on Nyx, daring him to flinch. But Nyx was furrowing his brows, his fingers dancing over the scarred skin and deep ridges. His face poised to ask what he was searching for. There was a faint echo of understanding, but the returning hunger overpowered everything. Nyx drew closer again. 

"Last chance to back out, sweet things." He purred into Noctis' ear sending shivers up and down Noctis entire body. The fingers on his back scratching along those pale lines.

Unable to speak, he let a kiss to be his answer before being swept away in touch and moans, steady hands and skimming teeth. It differed from how he thought it would be. He expected a wild explosion of passion over in a few minutes, and Nyx sending on his merry way, as his past one-night stands had done. But the dancer was more considerate, gentle, and firm. Sharp lines and nimble fingers. That always smirking mouth going down on him, teasing him to a hardness he had not experienced before. He came, his back arching, his mind blanking out, Nyx coaxing him through it with gentle strokes.

"I'm sorry—" a finger settled over his lips.

"Just taking the edge off, I'm not finished with you yet, beautiful." Noctis dropped his gaze down, seeing the bulge in Nyx pants. The eyes full of teasing laughter were as gentle as the fingertips on his stomach. There also lurked a question. So Noctis nodded, and Nyx answered with a wolfish grin. He got up getting a washcloth to clean the mess of Noctis' cum and then stretched beside him. Calmness washed over Noctis, now that the burning need has passed and he could feel and touch with a clearer mind. 

Past lovers had told him he was clingy, bordering on touch starved. Perhaps he was, but they all made it sound like it was something terrible. Nyx was different, naturally, he was; he basked in it like a cat in the sun. He laughed has Noctis told him that. It was the same carefree laugh, unforced, that river of happiness and freedom. So Noctis indulged himself. There was no guarantee he would return to Nyx' bed. So he took for himself what he wanted with an abandon that surprised him. 

When he rolled onto Nyx' body, sitting astride his lap, steadied at his hips through strong hands, and ground down in a slow inciting rhythm, seeing Nyx' blown pupils, he let go. 

The very early morning found them breathless, coming down from another high. Nyx cleaned them up with lazy strokes of a new washcloth he let drop to the side before gathering Noctis in his arms. Insecurity started to set in again, should he settle down? Get up? Go? Noctis was not sure, he could move, even if he wanted, everything arched in the most delicious way, and he was still riding this high, that made everything seem brighter.

A kiss pressed into his shoulder blade, before Nyx' hand settled on his stomach, pressing Noctis deeper into a muscular chest.

"Sleep, beautiful." 

Noctis settled down and slept.

  
Morning came too bright and too early. Noctis tried to ward off the sun as long as he could before a chuckle drew him out of his efforts. He cracked his eyes open and found Nyx leaning in the doorway, watching him with a bemused smile. 

"Coffee?" 

Noctis' could only nod, his brain not yet caught up. Nyx withdraw. That at least answered one of his questions: To stay or to just go, while Ulric was not looking. He searched for his clothes, blushing, as he wandered around naked and saw the marks that littered his body.

"Nice view." Came a lazy drawl from the door. Nyx was watching him with crossed arms, amusement still written over his face. Noctis blushed deeper, he felt the warmth spreading over his entire body.

"Uh. I mean, morning?" Noctis felt shy, despite how they had spent the night. 

Nyx' gaze changed to a thoughtful note, he crooked his finger at Noctis. "Come here, beautiful." 

Still clutching his clothes, something drew Noctis into Nyx orbit, who grabbed him as soon as he was in reach, sunk his hands into his hair and kissed him with barely restrained passion. As they broke again, Nyx threw him a smug smirk. "Now, it's a good morning." 

Noctis shook his head. "Bastard." He said without heat. 

Nyx only shrugged at that. "Get your ass in the shower, then I will feed you." He pointed to a door down the hall and clapped Noctis on the ass as he turned to go down the way. Noctis threw back a glower that earned him another smirk.

Alone in the bathroom, he took a few breaths, willing his racing heart back to a manageable level. He can do this, he told himself, act casual, just be yourself. This did not need to be awkward. They both got into it with their eyes wide open. Casual sex. Two people passing.

When he returned much calmer, more at home in his skin again, he found Nyx in the kitchen, wielding a spatula, a few pancakes already cooling on a plate. Two coffee mugs stood on the kitchen bar. As he sat on the high stool, Nyx nudged one over, together with a milk carton and sugar, before placing the plate with pancakes before him.

"Anything special as a topping?" Those eyes fixed on him, drowning him again.

"No, only butter." He swallowed.

Nyx narrowed his eyes, but shrugged, before sauntering over to the fridge to get the item out. He also added a few jams and honey. As they ate, they talked, the words flowing with ease between them. The buzzing of his phone alerted Noctis of more pressing matters. 

At the door, Nyx kissed him again, deep and long. 

Then the world was closed behind him, and Noctis stood alone in the hall, sudden bereavement clawing at him. He shivered in the cold. Another buzzing popped the bubble his mind had been in. Still, the excitement that his idol had taken him in had held him close, made him giddy. He took the memories of the night, as they were, an adventure, a rite of passion, and closed them deep inside him.

It needed to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you really sure about that Noctis? - Find out in next week's chapter: Close my eyes
> 
> Thank you all for reading. Comments and kudos keep me alive! :3


	3. Close my eyes

If you only knew  
I would do anything  
For a taste of you  
I would do anything  
Just to see inside  
And no one else will do  
All that I want is to be you

(Greta Isaac - You)

Now

Nyx found that working with Luche's company was effortless. The kids were eager and obedient, mostly. Not quite like the rascals he had in Insomnia. Nothing here was like Insomnia, really. Long nights and ordinary days, with an average number of people in the outside world. 

In the two years since his departure from the city, he learned how to be again; he cruised along the river roads on his motorcycle, he went fishing, he helped his mother, and he danced. He danced more than he had in Insomnia, partly out of boredom, partly to escape his own thoughts. Wild and with no restriction did he let himself fall into the rhythm of the voices and music, the beats and drums, feeling the staccato in his being, vibrating down his muscles and echoing in his bones. He gave himself over.

Sometimes, when he let his mind drift too far, he thought about black hair and blue eyes, small fingers, and lips that kissed with abandon. Nyx missed him. So badly. But he also knew he had made the right call, even if he had been too late, and had hurt Noctis. More than once did he wanted to call Crowe, and ask her how Noctis did.

But he also knew, Crowe would only have one question for him. "Did you say hello to your sister?"

He never had, until now, two years later. Even after all the years, he still remembered the way with startling clarity. Right, left, right again, two times left, and he was there. Rows after rows of little plaques hammered onto stones that lay in neat rows on the green and wet grass.  
He sat down and traced the engraved name with his fingertips. The small stone was clean, and the metal gleamed, his mother must come often. He put the little wildflower bouquet he had bought down in front of it.  
"Hi, little one, I finally made it home. You would scold me, but on the other side, if you could scold me, I would have never left." He chuckled. "Maybe things would have been different." He shrugged his shoulders. "Or maybe not. Mom is still not happy about my dancing." He swallowed. "I miss you."  
  
It was a simple truth. There was always a voice inside Nyx, that suspected that everything had started on the day his sister died. The day his mother forgot how to smile, how to relate to her eldest son, and how he lost the connection to the world around him. But that was unfair. It had been nobody's fault, and just an accident, a horrifying accident. And even so, his mother blamed him because Selena had gone outside alone because he was off dancing. Selena had been old enough, not a little girl anymore, but their mother had not wanted to see it. She probably never will.  
He sighed.  
  
"I'm sorry." Nyx pressed a kiss through his hand onto the stone. "I will see you again. I promise I won't stay away so long this time."  
  
He stood up and tapped off the dust. For a moment, he hesitated. Again blue eyes flashed. Would he and Selena have gotten along? Nyx was not sure, but he hoped. Would he ever be free of the ghost hunting him? He exhaled. Only time would tell.  
He turned and made his way back to the street, just as he rounded a corner there were shouts and screaming, he took into a run. The closer he came, the more he smelled the burned air, a fire, people mingling, and pointing at a small house. On one of the upper windows stood a small figure, a little girl.  
Nyx blinked. People were rapidly talking, there was a roadblock, the fire brigade got stuck. The girl was crying, a window broke, the glass showering down, more screams. The world narrowed, all that Nyx saw was the little girl, blonde curls, different from his sister but entire the same.  
He moved before he even thought about it; it was the stupidest thing he had ever done.  
But even as everything turned black and silent, he felt no regret.

* * *

  
Crowe's phone rang. It never rang. At least, never while she held training. Ignis looked down with a surprised look. He had always thought Crowe put it on DND when she was teaching because it was distracting. She always scolded her students when one of them got a call or even a text message.

"Crowe?" he called through the room.

She looked up and over, raising an eyebrow at him, he knew better than to disrupt her, but there was a wired feeling in the pit of his stomach, he could not quite explain.

"What's up?" There was a slight furrow between her brows.

"Your phone is ringing," he said and pointed at it. Crowe blinked at him, processing what he was saying. She blinked again. Then she was across the room, the phone instantly in her hand and at her ear. The moment she widened her eyes, Ignis signaled Prompto to turn down the music. The other Glaives stopped, wondering what was going on. Slowly, all color drained from Crowe's face.

"I understand, thank you. I will get back to you later. Thank you, yeah, yeah. Yes, okay. Thank you." She let the hand with the phone sink, blinking. Her eyes roaming around, from one point in the room to the next and back again, always jumping between these two. Ignis worried. There was only one person who could evoke this kind of reaction.   
Nyx.

"Crowe." He called gentle, her eyes snapping to him. There was dread in them.

"Hero." She croaked. "He has gone and played the fucking hero. Fucking, goddamn hero." 

"Crowe." Ignis swallowed at Noctis' sudden voice. Crowe swirled around the phone in a white-knuckled death grip. It was a wonder there was no cracking sound. And where had Noctis even come from?

"What—" Ignis saw the trepidation in his eyes.

"Fucking Ulric has done it and played the fucking hero." She screamed, and then in a whisper. "And now he is hurt."

Shit. Crowe was heaving, her breath coming in bouts, and Noctis looked so lost. So terrible lost. The other Glaives formed a circle around them, alerted by Crowes screaming. She never screamed; she barely even raised her voice, not like that, never like that. Libertus stepped closer and took Noctis in a half hug, while Ignis made his way over and touched her gently by the shoulder. He was approaching a wild beast, any sudden movements would be his death.

"What happened, Crowe? Who was it on the phone?" He kept a gentle voice.

Crowe blinked, trying to understand the question, trying to find the meaning behind Ignis words. "It was his mother, there was a fire, and there was a problem with the fire department, something about a roadblock and there was someone in the building, could not make it out. And he, he was there and he just like that, like he was fucking invincible went in. He just went in." She swallowed, looking at Noctis, just concentrating on him. Noctis held on, took it, never evading her gaze. "Burns, some bad, got too much smoke, a broken arm. They put him in an artificial coma for the moment. She wants to have someone there; they say it helps if there are people he loves."

"Will he be able to dance again?" Noctis' voice was barely a whisper in the too silent room. It felt like the world had stopped around them, breathing in, poised to break.

Crowe closed her eyes and swallowed. "They don't know."

* * *

* * *

  
  
Then

"Damn you, Crowe, how long do we have to be here?" Nyx complained. He hated office parties, always too stiff, too formal for his taste. He scratched under the collar, even the button-up shirt was suffocating, this has been the reason he had no 9-5 job. 

Crowe cuffed him over the head. "You promised, Ulric." 

Nyx rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. I will stay with you, as your whatever so that the boys behave themselves. Did I got this right?" She cuffed him again but laughed. "Anyone particular, I should keep an eye one?" She shook her head.

It was normal. After a close call with a stalker a few years ago, the Kingsglaives boys had taken turns in accompanying her to official outings to discourage any creepy behavior right from the beginning. He scanned the crowd to check for any candidates for his patented glower, but the other office workers seemed pleasant enough. They greeted Crowe with an air of professional familiarity and whispered question who the good-looking man at her side was. He smirked at that, which earned him the pointy end of her sharp elbows in his ribs. Still worth it.

Letting his gaze wander, he stopped, blinking. Trying to find out if he had seen correctly. But the image did not change. Beautiful stood with another man at the opposite wall rolling his eyes. There was an easiness between them that made him curious. Nyx was many things, but he did not like to be called a home-wrecker, even if people are responsible for their own actions, and Nyx was no fucking mind reader. 

The other man herded them over, his friend not seeing him until his gaze shifted, and their eyes meet. Kitten blinked at him surprised, but Nyx could not see any guilt in them.

"Crowe Altius," said the stranger while pushing up his glasses. "How lovely to see you." There was a fierceness in the gaze and a challenge. "Please tell me who is your companion?"

"Ignis," she said with a twist to his name before inclining her head, "you can call him my brother, but he is more of a mother hen." She smiled.

"Oi, that's cruel, Crowe, even for you," Nyx stated indignantly. 

"Face it, Ulric." Crowe laughed.

"So, this is the infamous Nyx Ulric." Came Ignis dry interjection.

"Oi, Crowe, what are you telling these people?"

"Only the best brother dearest, only the best." She patted his arm.

Ignis chuckled. "This is Noctis, a dear friend."

Noctis raised an eyebrow. "Dear friend, he calls me." Now Ignis was patting Noctis' arm, which earned him a scowl.

Crowe laughed before she hooked her arm into Ignis' and walked away with him. Talking about a project they had been working on together.

"That was different." Noctis beside him chuckled. "So, Ignis your…" Nyx let the sentence taper out.

Noctis eyed him from the side. "Friend, a long-time friend." A pause. "You thought…?" 

Nyx just shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time. And I very much like to not get in that kind of mess again." 

Noctis hummed. "Not attached at the moment," he said. 

Nyx only nodded. Arousal was still creeping through him. It had started the moment he had laid eyes on him again. Noctis looked sharp, the suit fitting him perfectly, setting off all the right things of his figure. The desire had not turned down at the thought that he was already in a committed relationship. He wanted to take that perfect image and ruin it, claim him, pull him apart. He felt Noctis shift against him, a subtle brush of fingers against the back of his hand. Nyx turned his head to the side. Big blue eyes with blown pupils looked back at him. 

Nyx swallowed to find his voice. "Care to show me around? I think Crowe is in good hands." They both looked over to the bar where they could hear Crowe's laughter and see Ignis smile as he talked with his hands. Noctis answer was in walking away, to a side hall. Nyx followed at a more leisure pace. At one point, he may have felt a sharp gaze on him, but he shrugged it away. 

As he turned a corner, Noctis had vanished. Nyx scratched his head in questions, as a door opened and a hand grabbed him. The room was dark, and the door closed behind with a locking sound. The same instant a hot mouth was on him, a lean body pressing him against the wall and claiming him. His surprise vanished, and he took charge. Flipping them around and trapping Noctis between him and the wall. Their lower bodies pressing together, both already hard. A groan escaped one or both mouths. Nyx eased out of the kiss, kissing along the jaw to the ear. 

"Blow job or a hand job?" His voice was ragged. 

The answer was a long moan before Noctis pulled himself together enough. "Blow job, when you swallow." Another cry, because Nyx hand had wandered down, cupping the other through the pants. He dove in for another deep and filthy kiss before skimming down.

As they kissed after, their own taste mingling with each other, Nyx still blown away, no pun intended, Noctis chuckled. 

"What's up, kitten?" 

Noctis swatted him. "Didn't think I would see you again that fast."

Nyx winked at him. "You know where I work, you could have come around." 

"Not sure, you would have appreciated it," Noctis said with a shrug, but there was a new tension in his shoulders.

"Hey, precious," Nyx coaxed him. "I will tell you when you step over the line. And I still make the best drinks in town." 

Noctis rolled his eyes. "In your dreams, Ulric." 

The following evening Noctis returned to the Crystal and Nyx greeted him with a smirk and a deep kiss, that earned him another swat with a wet towel from his colleague.   
Nyx only laughed.

* * *

* * *

  
Now

There are moments in life when all things come to a head at once. Noctis would, in the darkness of the eternal night, when he lay alone or not in a still cold bed, have the suspicion the Six may have orchestrated this moment. 

He had it all ready, the hotel room booked, the flight ticket prepared, his bags packed, he was with one foot already out of the door, when his phone rang. 

"Clarus, make it fast. I'm out the door." There was a moment of silence, and then Clarus cleared his throat. Clarus never needed to clear his throat. The bodyguard of his father, he had feared as a small child, had become a dear friend, and something of an additional parental figure.

"Maybe you should change your plans." His voice sounded grave.

"Clarus?" There was a sudden double beat of his heart.

"Your father has collapsed." The voice was rough through the phone.

"What—"Noctis had no clue how to finish that sentence.

"They took him to the hospital this morning, they checked him over. The good news, he is okay, the bad one, he will need a break. It is time for you." There was an apologetic note to it. While Noctis had worked for the company of his father already, they both knew, he never had seen himself as the heir, the one person who would one day take over. The decision was made for him now.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. In a dark part of his mind, Noctis was tempted to just close the call and be done with it. But no, no Clarus was right. 

Defeated, he said, "I will be on my way."

"I'm sorry." 

Noctis shrugged, unthinking that Clarus could not see it. "Just send me the location." And closed the call. 

He stood in the door, with one foot out and the rest of the body still in the apartment. For a moment, everything was in suspense. A state where everything could happen, an infinite number of paths he could walk on. But he only saw one way to go. He thumbed through his contacts until it landed on Crowe's name.

It rang a few seconds before she took it. "When will you arrive?" He could hear running around in the background, the sound of an announcement, the ringing of a telephone. She must be at the hospital.

"Have you already told him I will come?" He blinked against sudden tears. Why were they coming now?

"No? I wanted it to be a surprise." She sounded neutral like she already knew what would be coming.  
  
"Good." He sighed. "I will not make it." There was a pause on the other side of the line.

"You sure?" The tone was accusing. She thought he was chickening out. A fair thought.

"Yeah." He croaked. Shock, the news of his father setting in. His hands trembled. Shit.

"Everything all right?" Concern.

"My father has collapsed." He was detaching himself, everything was going numb.

"Shit, is he all right?" He laughed. Crowe did not curse often.

"Yes, at least Clarus sounded like it, but I need to fly out and see him and decide things for the company. I cannot leave for a while." He scrubbed his face; he was getting tired. 

"I'm sorry." He knew she was. They all knew how he had felt about his role in the Lucis' Imperium.

He chuckled. "You are the second person to say that to me today." She snorted. "Can you keep me posted?"

"I can do that. What shall I tell Nyx?"

"Nothing. It makes no sense, I'm not there, so it does not count for Nyx." By the Six, it hurt, he wanted to see him, a desperate feeling clawing inside him. Wanted to bury himself in those strong arms that could hold him so securely.

"You know that it is not true." She said it in a tone that made it clear she was frowning.

"And you know that it is." She chuckled, a sad sound.

"Say 'Hi' to Libs."

"Best wishes to Regis." She answered, and then the line was dead. 

Noctis looked at the phone for a moment, tempted to scroll down, to thumb Nyx contact and to just write him. But then it would be about him and him seeking comfort and not helping Nyx, with whatever he now was going through. The situation was so unfair. He sighed and made the last step out of the building.

He would need to change flights and cancel the hotel. His phone pinged. It was Clarus with the location. 

Well, here went nothing.

* * *

"You seem distracted, my son." 

Noctis looked up from the chair at the side of his father's hospital bed, a stack of papers in one hand, the head resting on the other, his gaze not taking in what was written on the pages.

"Did you say something?" Where had he been with his thoughts the last minutes? Had his father talked about something important? What time was it anyway? When had he last eaten?

His father kept watching him, the eyebrows lifted, an unsure line around the mouth.

"I asked what you wanted to eat, and you recited the numbers from last month back to me." There was now an amused glint.

Noctis knew he was blushing, but he could not suppress it. He let the hand with the papers sink down.

"Forgive me."

But Regis just waved at him. "What is in your thought?"

Did he want to talk about that with his father? Was he ready? Probably not.

"You remember Nyx Ulric?" 

There was a slight frown on his father's face, a vacant look. "Oh, your paramour."

Noctis chuckled. "Well, yes, he got in a serious accident back home, and I'm worried."

"Why don't you phone him?"

Noctis looked at his hands; they trembled. "They had to put him in an artificial coma, he woke up a few days ago. It has been two years. I'm not sure he would appreciate my call." He looked up again. His father was studying him.

"I can't tell you what to do. Sometimes there is just not the right time for something. Maybe it never will be." Regis shrugged. "But I hope you will find your happiness."

"Not sure how."

"Start looking." Noctis looked at his father with big eyes, who smiled at him.

Maybe it could be as simple as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Noctis, it does sound simple, but in the end... Well, we have to see. Find out next week in Hurricanes.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcome, tell me what you liked! :D Also if you want to be informed of an update, hit the subscribe button.


	4. Hurricanes

And you, you can be mean  
And I, I'll drink all the time  
'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact  
Yes we're lovers, and that is that  
Though nothing will keep us together  
We could steal time just for one day  
We can be heroes for ever and ever  
What d'you say?  
(David Bowie - Heroes)

**Now **

  
"I got your mail." Nyx blinked at the sudden voice and turned his head. Crowe stood beside his bed; the setting sun dyed her black hair with auburn highlights. Another blink, before he registered that she was talking to him. Losing himself in watching the outside world and just flowing around on his mind made the days go by faster. He hated the confines of the hospital, but he still had trouble moving, the burned skin pulling on his muscles, the broken arm still healing. The doctors had warned him it would be a slow process.

And after—

In between the books and magazines that covered his nightstand was a letter from his insurance, that they would cover initial physical therapy, but everything beyond that… Nyx sighed. When he thought about it, he was back at the beginning—the time before all those years back, where he could not dance, and had no money. Well, now there was money, but most of it was part of the company.

What came after the recovery? Even before the fire, he could feel his muscles stiffen and needing more work every day to be as smooth and pliant as he needed them. And every day he lay in this bed and did nothing, it got worse. It filled him with a new rage, one that stemmed from hopelessness. He grabbed the bedsheets tighter. He would, no, he needed to find a way. The faint echo of the promise he had given still rang through him.

This was just a minor set back. It was his new mantra every morning he woke and every night he closed his eyes.

Sleep was a long time coming.

"Mail?" he asked with apprehension. More bad news? Crowe handed him a heavy official-looking envelope, his name and current residency in Galahd printed on it in neat letters. He examined the stamp, it showed Insomnias crest. The sender was an Aulea Group Foundation, he had never heard about before. He raised both eyebrows and looked up. "Any clue what this is about?"

But Crowe only shrugged her shoulders and sat down in the visitor chair. "Open it, find out." He narrowed his eyes at her, but she looked as curious as he was.

With deft fingers, he opened the envelope and raised his eyebrows at the content: a pack of papers, stapled together, looking like some kind of contract. Another set of documents, with small print on it and a letter. He read the letter, looked at the contract, and re-read the letter. He blinked at Crowe in a daze. She scooted over onto the bed beside him and made grabby motions for the message.

He handed the letter over. "They want to offer me money for the recovery. They will cover everything needed up to a certain sum, and if I need more, they also offer possibilities." He blinked again.

Crowe hummed. "What is the catch?"

Nyx flipped through the contract. "When I'm recovered enough, I'm required to give a course every two weeks to kids with lower-income families, orphans and or people who want to learn to dance, but don't have the means."

"It sounds sensible." Nyx nodded again, turning the letter around and back. In a burst of sudden insight, he flipped the contract to the last page.

He deflated. "They only signed it via an official stamp."

She was watching him. "What name did you expect?"

Nyx shrugged. He thought it might have been Noctis, but why should he? He didn't even message him, just to inquire, just to… whatever. She watched him a moment longer but did not question him further.

"You know this is a great opportunity." She put the letter back into his hands.

Nyx hummed for a moment. "But you said, there is some money to cover more than the insurance?"

Crowe scratched her neck. "Well, yes, there is, but…"

"But?" Nyx prompted. "Crowe? What are you—? Where did you get the money?" He paused. "Don't tell me…"

She shrugged, her face was unapologetic. "Noctis had asked how he could help, and I told him about the insurance. The next day, I had money in my bank account."

"That idiot." She laid a hand over his, squeezing it. "He didn't come. He didn't even message me. And now this? I don't understand?"

"People are complicated." She snuggled into his side. He lifted an arm and draped it around her, burying his face in her hair.

They stayed like that until the sun dipped behind the horizon.

She nudged him with her foot. "So, what will you do?"

He sighed. "You will transfer the money back." He turned his head and looked down at the paperwork. "And I will read through the fine print and decide then."

"Pinky promise?"

Nyx laughed. "Pinky promise."

Two days later, he signed the contract with the Aulea Foundation Group for Artists.

* * *

* * *

**Then **

  
"Libs, who did you hire to get help with this stuff?" Nyx looked around the gathered boxes. They needed to unpack them and place everything in order. Two days were not much for this. It would be a tight fit, as always, but if they had help, they could make it.

"Nobody?" Libs smirked and opened one box, to pull out the first parts of the dissembled backdrop.

Nyx blinked at him. "But we told you—"

"Ulric, don't get your knickers in a twist. I said I would get help, so I got help. Buddy of mine owes me, he said, he will drum up a few people and come and help with getting the stage done in time." Nyx narrowed his eyes at him, but let it go. They always made fun of him for being a mother hen, so he did not need to add to it. But Libs could sometimes be an… airhead.

"I hope they are punctual," said Nyx instead, Libs just rolled his eyes and clapped him on the back.

With a sigh, Nyx started on the box next to Libs'. They needed first to unpack them all and then sort the pieces before fitting them together. Therefore, they did this kind of show only once a year — it was a real pain in the ass. But the kids looked forward to it, and the three performances they would give had already sold out.

"Fancy meeting you here." This voice, followed by a chuckle, made Nyx wipe around. Noctis smirked at him. Nyx took him in. He was not in the suit from the party or the office thing, or the clubs clothes of shimmering black material that had hugged him so nice and tight. Or the unshamed nakedness he had basked in Nyx' bed. No, it was sweatpants with paint streaks and a shirt with frayed holes, the right fit for helping with assembling a backdrop.

"Don't tell me?" He blinked at him. How would Libs even know Noctis, let alone the other owning a favor?

Noctis shrugged with a small smile. "Gladio said, a friend needed help, and I had nothing better to do, and the project sounded fun." He shrugged again like it was no big deal.

Nyx looked around, the boxes, the parts, the tools. "Fun?" He echoed. "Well, if you think." He snorted and pointed over his shoulder towards the backstage. "Crowe has the plan. She is the stage-master, so you better listen to her carefully, if you don't want to die." He said with a wink.

Noctis laughed and wandered away. Nyx looked after him, he caught sight of Ignis, who was talking to Crowe, looking over documents she had spread out. They both had clipboards at the ready and were pointing around the table and the documents on the board. He also saw a blond kid running around shooting photos, before tripping over boxes. And a muscled man with long hair who threw him a look, Nyx was not sure about how to read, he shrugged it away and returned to the boxes.

The two groups moved together as if they had always worked like this. There were a few missteps, sorting some things out. But Gladio, that was the name of Libs friends with the misplaced favor, who looked all big muscles, did not just have the muscles for show off but could lift and hold and carry the heavy stuff around. The blond kid, Prompto, was deft with his fingers and could merge the big stage puzzle together, with no plan. He also had a good eye for the composition, and to Nyx' surprise, they improved a few parts.

What surprised him the most were the stage-masters Crowe and Ignis. Crowe was not someone who let go of her control over what she defined as her responsibilities, but she and Ignis made it fit, moving like a well-oiled machine. A metaphor that conjured images Nyx was not ready to think about. Thank you very much. Crowe and oil and sex were better left alone, forever, and always far out of his mind.

His eyes always strayed to Noctis when he had a moment to breathe or waiting for something. It was yet different again. In the club, he was pure sex, both seduction and temptation, at the parties in his suits, Nyx had just wanted to debauch him, destroy the perfect persona he projected. And here, covered in soot and dirt, with an easy smile and quick feet, he looked perfect.

Perfect for everything.

Nyx wanted him. Wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to take him and dance with him right here under the starry sky they had recreated with the backdrop, under the gigantic moon and stars, with the lights turned low. His heart made a sudden double beat. He swallowed and shoved the unwelcome thought away, far away. Instead, he threw a smirk at Noctis and wiggled his eyebrows as the other brought coffee over. Noctis snorted and boxed him in the arm as an answer.

With the additional help, they finished earlier than they had expected, a whole day even. Nyx was glad; with this, they had additional time to rehearse in front of the full backdrop and work in the improved parts.

"Okay, that's it," Crowe's voice cut through his thoughts. "Thank you, Gladio, and the gang. Without your help, we would have taken much longer." She looked around. "So, up for drinks?"

"You even need to ask?" Nyx questioned with a smirk.

They compromised on a bar that was just a few minutes down from the theater.

The evening flew by in rounds of cheap beer and laughter.

As the night progressed, Nyx came aware of two things, one, that Noctis and his rag-tag group of friends, fit right in, with their crazy stories and easy-going nature. Even if that Gladio seemed to be a stickler for the rules. Second, somewhere in the mix was money, and by the sound of it, it was a lot.

It made sense. Noctis' suits, the parties, hell, Nyx had seen Noctis car, which should have clued him in.  
  
He leaned back and threw a careful eye to Libs, but he shouldn't have worried; his friend was well into a shot contest with Prompto and was well beyond carrying. Nyx would have to ease him into that bit of knowledge. His eyes found the ones of Crowe, who just raised an eyebrow at him before she nodded. As cozy as she got with that Ignis, she would know the size of his wallet, or at least, that he was not your typical run-of-the-mill office worker. Shit, she worked at the same company, she had more clue than anyone.

She must have seen his sudden realization because she smirked at him and raised her glass in a mock salute.

Nyx stood after taking the last drag from his bottle and offered his hand to Noctis, who narrowed his eyes at it, before raising his gaze looking at him. He furrowed his brow in a silent question, Nyx' answer was just a shrug. It was only an offer, and he needed to decide what to do about it. There a slow blink, then Noctis stood, taking the hand in his own, and they wandered over to a more open area, where already some people had gathered drifting to the hypnotic rhythm of the electronic beats. They fit well together. Even if it was not the same sex-fueled mating dance from the club, it was erotic in a more subtle way. They pressed close to each other and swayed, guided by Nyx.

Libs looked up as he saw the movement. He followed them with his eyes, a sour feeling in his mouth, and the pit of his stomach. It could also come from too much alcohol, but there was something about this Noctis, that did not sit well with him.

How they danced, it sparked something familiar in him. A faint of echo, of a past, better left alone. That gaze in Nyx's eyes. Fuck.

He looked over to Crowe, who watched him with an unreadable look. "Care to explain?"

She shrugged. A just ripple of her shoulders. "Let them dance."

He narrowed his eyes at her. The others fell silent. The beat of the music vibrating over the wooden table, scarred and chapped from the not so gentle usage over the years. He could see Gladio gripping his glass tighter, Ignis pushing up his glasses an inch, and Prompto looking anywhere but them.

"What is going on?" The unease crawled over him, like tiny ants in search of food. Fuck, if he wasn't so drunk, he might have a clue, what was wrong at this situation, what set him on such an edge.

Crowe looked cooly at him. "I think they are fucking." Prompto chocked on whatever he was drinking now, Ignis sighed, and Gladio shrugged.

Libs needed to concentrate on getting the words out in the correct order, the order that would make sense to his fellow humans. "I still don't like it."

Crowe shrugged at him. "At that is relevant in what form?" Her face was daring him. They both knew Nyx did not care what both of them thought about his partner of choice, especially if it was only for fucking. "You want to explain any of your thoughts to Nyx? Be my guest." Libs could read between the lines, she had enough of this bullshit.

He opened his mouth, but Nyx was back, a glint in his eyes, Noctis was making his way to towards the bathrooms. "Anyone cares for a drink?" It was enough to distract Libs again (it was something for future Libertus to tap into, tonights Libertus was more than willing to let it go, and enjoy the rest of the night).

The time flowed, and the night fell away in drinks and dancing.

Ignis watched Crowe over the rim of his water glass. "What was that about Libs?"

Nyx and Noctis had left together some time ago, Libs too out, or he would have had another go at the topic. Gladio had dragged Libertus and Prompto away, both living on his way home. By unspoken agreement, he and Crowe had remained back, comfortable with each other, just talking, switching to non-alcoholic drinks. The bar was quieting down, the music long switched to a slow trance.

Crowe put her glass down and leaned back, thinking her reply out. "Libs is not — how should I say it? He is not an advocate for the higher society. Things have happened, and certain vibes set him now on edge."

"What had happened?"

"People with money have got away once too often and left too much damage." She looked down into her glass.

"Will this be a problem?" Ignis' voice was soft, hesitant.

"Between Libs and Noctis, or between you and me?" She blinked at him.

Ignis shrugged. "Either."

Crowe looked to the side, watching the remaining few people dance, swaying.

"No, in both cases. The worst that can happen that Libs doesn't speak to us for some time until he finished throwing his tantrum. Nyx on the other side—"

"Should I warn Noctis?" He was serious.

But Crowe smiled at him.

"Well, if Nyx hears it from Noctis himself, then no, not at all." She lifted her shoulders and let them sink down again. It was not quite a shrug, but a more unsure gesture, a loosening of the tension. "Nyx is keen on honesty. He can forgive many things, but lie to him or betray him, and you will see the last of him."

Crowe worried her underlip between her teeth before taking another sip of the water. She was tired of thinking about them and what could happen, looking over to Ignis, who was watching her with a strange glint in his eyes, she smiled. "Take me home?"

* * *

Noctis loved his friends. At least most of the time, getting dragged to yet another vernissage by Prompto and Ignis was pushing it hard.

As he arrived, only Ignis waited, Noctis raised an eyebrow in question. "How did Gladio get out of this?"

Ignis pushed his glasses an inch higher. "He had something to do with his father."

Noctis rolled his eyes, yeah, sure. "So, what was this about?" He inclined his head to the door.

There was a glint in Ignis' eyes, which set Noctis on high alert. "Dancers."

It made Noctis stop. "Huh?" Ignis smirked and walked through the door, holding it open for Noctis.

The interior was dimly light. Spots illuminated the large pictures around them. People were mingling, holding champagne flutes, walking from picture to picture. And the photos? They were breathtaking. Just body shots, backs, legs, poses, bending, caught in motions, half-naked, nude, in costume. They were beautiful and captivating. The essence of dancers.

He lost Ignis early on and never found Prompto while roaming around, but he saw him. A picture from the back, the arms spread, the muscles accentuated through clever use of shadows, he recognized the tattoos before he even saw the tips of the braids. This was Nyx. In all his magnificent and naked glory.

Noctis swallowed. His eyes were tracing the lines he knew by touch, the fine black lines that had meaning to the other man, a deep cultural tradition he never talked about. Noctis blinked. He felt being watched. He turned his head, and he caught the end of a braid out of the corner of his eyes. But it slipped away. He walked to the next photo, angling his head to the side. He imagined it being Crowe, intense, dark locks flowing behind her. There was a flash of silver eyes out of the corner, Noctis spun, but nothing.

Did he hallucinate?

Was he going insane?

He kept on walking, photo after photo, he saw Prompto talking with someone, maybe one of the artists, he saw Ignis, standing rooted in front of the picture next to Nyx. He chuckled as he saw Crowe watching Ignis with a fond smile. But if Crowe was here… He turned, and there it was again, the trail of a braid weaving through the crowd, gone again, but he followed. Through the rows, walking along more photos, he now barely saw, too darker corners, just glimpses, but he was sure, he knew that back. Knew that figure in tight jeans and a dark shirt. As he rounded yet another corner, he found himself alone. Until a hand slipped around his waist, and a voice left a whisper at his ear. "Stalking me now?"

Noctis chuckled. "You wish, Ulric." He turned and found himself chest to chest with Nyx before he devoured his mouth. He sighed into it and gave in, always gave in. When they just swayed to the soft music floating around them from the speakers on the ceiling, Nyx chuckled.

"What's gotten into your mind?" Noctis asked.

Nyx smiled. "Seems our friends hit it off with each other, making us meet in broad daylight none the less."

Noctis stopped for a moment mulling that thought before shrugging his shoulder, "Not complaining."

"Neither am I," Nyx added with his trademark smirk. "But I think it's time we exchange numbers. To clarify beforehand, if this is another together outing."

"But where is your sense of adventure," Noctis asked with a raised eyebrow and a twinkle in his eyes.

"Just getting the impression, there will be more." There was a severe expression in Nyx's face.

"How so?" But instead of answering, Nyx just turned them, so they were facing the room. He pointed in one direction, and Noctis could see Crowe and Ignis speaking, smiling at each other. Crowe had put her hand on Ignis' arm and was leaning in.

"I see what you mean." Noctis hummed. "Think they will make it official?"

There was a shrug from Nyx, "Depends on Specs if I'm honest." He paused, Noctis felt the soft breathing at his neck. "Crowe values independence. We all do. A woman with a partner outside of our profession has it hard. Most 'normal' people don't quite get what it means to be a dancer, as opposed to… let's say an office job." They swayed again. Noctis' back still pressed to Nyx' chest, his voice grazing his ear. "Training, the physical demands, the performances, the rehearsals. If Ignis gets that, then it can work."

Noctis thought about it. Encircled in the strong arms, he felt warm without being hot. There was an intoxicating smell coming from the dancer. One, he knew too well. "Ignis is a workaholic. His past relationships fell apart because the women he had been with had been too clingy; his words, not my own. Perhaps Crowe will be right for him." He shrugged.

There was another thought racing through Noctis, something he had thought about deep in the night when he was alone and stripped bare before the shadows of the wandering stars. When he missed the embrace of the other man.

He started to turn. "Nyx—"

"Oi, you two." Prompto stood before them, bouncing up and down on his feet. Nyx raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to finish whatever he had wanted to say, but the mood had evaporated, and Noctis did not found it in him to change it again. In retrospect, he would ask himself once (later, much later), if at this moment, if he had asked, if it would have made a difference or if it would have pushed everything along at a faster pace. Now, it was just a missed opportunity and nothing more. He shook his head, so Nyx turned to the energetic Prompto.

"Yes, Prompto?" asked Nyx in a lazy drawl.

"We want to go to eat something, you coming?" He was waving toward Ignis and Crowe, both still emerged in whatever discussion they had going on. They looked good together, striking even. Ignis, with his proper manners and impeccable clothes and the wild Crowe, who looked perfectly put together and effortless at the same time. They worked. Noctis envied them.

Nyx looked down at him, asking him without words what he wanted. Noctis stared at the other two, and he felt something dark, something lost. At this moment, still on the lost tail of the question, he had not dared to push out into the open, he did not want to see them together this happy, so he shook his head, looking apologetic.

"What do you want instead?" There was something dark lurking in Nyx question, Noctis studied his eyes, and maybe he saw the same answering spark. They both wanted to feel. Noctis wished to drown the thought he had seconds before, to kill it in its growth so it would never see the light of day again.

"Sorry, we already have other plans." Prompto just looked at them and rolled his eyes, but let them be.

Noctis knew how this would end, in drinks and dancing and sex. In the early light of the morning, he would regret some of it, but here and now, it was everything he needed, and he knew Nyx would oblige him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nyx is all too willing to fall down that particular rabbit hole - but what will happen now? Find out next week in: Mass
> 
> So, what do you think so far? Kudos and comments keep me going. Leave me your favorite line or moment! Or subscribe, if you want to know the moment a new update hits!
> 
> See you next week.


	5. Mass

Though the truth hits hard  
It's all we got to face  
Let's delay the impact  
And go to our place  
…  
Cause when it rains  
Yeah it pours it pours it pours it pours  
And it rains more  
But I'm always back at your door

(Archie Faulks - It Rains) 

**Now **

  
"How is he doing?" Noctis had trouble concentrating on the call; he was on the move again. Through the airport gates, to the car, putting the luggage into the trunk, getting in, instructing the driver, blending out the noise from the major city. He was not sure what city it was; he would later have to look at the address of the hotel. After some time, they just blended into each other. 

"He has good days and bad ones." The background noise from Crowe had changed. From the hectic noise of the hospital in Galahd to the more intimate world of the dance studio in Insomnia. She and Libertus had returned weeks ago, but they would take turns to drive up every weekend. "I have told him that Insomnia has better facilities for this, but he is still reluctant to return. I'm not sure how I can convince him." There was a deep sigh at the end of the line. 

Noctis hummed. "Just tell him, I will be out of town for the next months." He half-joked. 

"Noctis." Another sigh, now it was the one she reserved for him. "It has been two-and-a-half years. This shouldn't be an issue anymore." 

"It's not, it's just, sometimes—" His eyes traced the outside world, drifting over the skyscrapers and people that looked different and yet the same as in the last city and the city before. 

"Sometimes?" She encouraged, but Noctis had no clue where this sometimes even was supposed to go. So he kept silent, which earned him another deep exhale. There was a high chance she was pinching the top of her nose. "Boys will be boys," she mumbled instead; it made him smile. "How is your father?" 

"Enjoying his part-time position. Sometimes I guess he forgets that he shouldn't be working, and I get messages from him at freaking 3 AM when he should be sleeping." He blew out his breath while paying the car driver. "But I found a secret weapon. I will just write Clarus, and then everything is silent." He chuckled. 

He walked to the counter and slid his business card over. The receptionist nodded and got his keycard and a short notice where he would find his room. 

"I just miss him." Crowe sounded melancholic. Noctis smiled, it was so untypical Crowe, to give in to the thought, but understandable. He entered the elevator and pressed the button to his floor. 

"I know." He paused. "You know how you can recall him." 

"I haven't even told Ignis yet!" She protested. "And well, I will not do it over the phone." 

Noctis smiled and closed the door to the hotel room behind him. "Well, then you have now the chance, Crowe, mother dearest, I send Ignis home." 

"Why?" Again that frown like tone. 

"Because of what is growing inside you." He paused in the middle of the room. Luxurious and impersonal. Ignis had other priorities now. "It is time for him to be there for you, and you know it." He closed the call; there was nothing left to say. 

Later in the night, he received a picture with a fainted Ignis and a smug Crowe. He laughed until his sides hurt. 

* * *

* * *

**Then **

Ignis watched as Crowe closed her bra and stashed her breast back into it. He had made himself comfortable against the headboard, watching her every move, tracking the powerful line of her back with his eyes. She threw him a sly smile over the shoulder before downing her black dress. 

"When will you tell them?" He asked. 

Crowe stopped in her movements of applying lipstick and turned to him. She searched for something in his face before she shrugged. "When I'm sure they don't kill you on sight." 

Ignis thought back to the bar night a few days ago, he remembered Noctis and that Nyx fellow. "I think one of them will not make a big deal out of it." 

She smiled. "Nyx was never prone to drama. He would just look at you, that look that told you, that if you mess up, he will bury you. But he knows that I can take care of myself, so…" She paused, in thought. "But he can be… difficult, if he wants to be." 

"You think they are dating?" He asked with curiosity. 

Crowe turned. She was gauging his reaction, he thought. "No, they are fucking." She sighed and looked away. "Nyx is not someone who dates." 

"So, fuck buddies." 

Crowe chuckled. "And I thought you were a gentleman." 

Ignis shrugged. "You have made me a fallen man." There was another chuckle. Crowe stood, strapping her high heels on. She was a vision. "Crowe?" 

"Hm?" She was turning around in the mirror, checking, in Ignis opinion she was perfect. 

"Are we dating?" He had said it; it had sat with him a while, it was essential to voice it to have it out in the open, the one desire he had. Would it burn him or would it save him? Crowe turned, her eyes unreadable. So it was not an instant _no_, Ignis counted that as a victory. They had something like dates. They always ended in bed, but they could be more, he was sure, if Crowe would let them. 

She blinked. "Can I think about it?" 

He gave her a smile. It must have appeared a little strange because there was a faint reassuring smile on her face. She made the few steps to the bed. In a soft gesture, she bowed down and kissed his forehead. With a last smile, she walked out. 

It was not an instant _no_.

* * *

Crowe hesitated. While Nyx was not prone to drama, he could sometimes be tricky. His reaction then different from what she would have expected. But she needed to talk. Ignis question threw her side-wise. She liked him, his company, the sex, everything came kind of natural to them, and it would not be hard to date him. 

But did she want that? 

She bit her thumbnail in thought. There had always been only one thing she wanted: to dance, to dance with her brothers and show the world what they were made of. But would Ignis still let her? In all the time he had said nothing bad about her, the dancing or her body, like some past boyfriends, who didn't get it. If she could not make it, because the company was rehearsing again, Ignis always just shrugged and wished her luck. Occasionally, he sat in the last rows, either watching or working, when she ran into overtime. Would this change when they dated, would Ignis expectations of her, for her, from her change?   
Did they already date?

She knocked at the door. Loud. A few seconds later came the faint sound of movements. A curse and then Nyx stood in the open doorway, his hair still sleep-tousled, the marks of the cushion on his cheek, he did not look awake. 

"Crowe? What—Everything okay?" Nyx was now wide awake. His eyes roaming up and down her body, trying to find a hair out of place. This was why she loved him so much. 

"Well, not nothing, but nothing bad. I just need to talk." 

He circled his shoulders back, making them pop, then he opened the door wider to let her in. "Kitchen. Noctis is still sleeping." He said it with surprising freedom. Like a challenge, daring her to say something. But this was not about him, but about her. So she ignored it, and after getting out of her heels, she walked right to the kitchen. Nyx closed the door behind them and went straight for the coffeemaker. 

"Someone asked me today if I was dating." She saw Nyx pause for a fraction of a second. Just a moment of paralysis, gone too fast. 

"And are you dating?" The question was easy but complicated to answer. She propped her hand up, tracing the nail lines on his back, who would have guessed Noctis was such a wildcat. Finished with his preparations for the coffee, Nyx turned around. "Do you want to date Ignis?" 

There was definitely a challenge in his eyes, one Crowe was raising to meet. "Perhaps." She huffed. "I like him. He is easy to get along with. He makes no demands, to cut the training, to cut the work, to cut anything. He is not trying to change me, to make me someone different." She sighed. "And I like him." 

"You already said that." There was a cross between a smirk and a gentle smile on his face. He was teasing her and being soft about the whole topic. 

"It's the truth." It was.

Nyx raised an eyebrow. "Why are you hesitating?" 

"People change as soon as you put a label on their relationship." She shook her head. "I have seen it happening with other dancers. They got steady with their boyfriends, and it knocked something loose in them, and they just," she sighed, settling on the word that was still not fitting, "well, changed. I said to myself I never want that to happen, so I always cut them loose when they showed that kind of behavior." 

"But, this one will hurt." He leaned back against the countertop, crossing his arms. 

She narrowed her eyes at him. There was more in his eyes, she blinked, it was also a warning. Not today. Instead, she shrugged. "He has the _potential_ to hurt." 

Nyx opened his mouth, but the coffeemaker gave a final gurgle finishing the coffee. Nyx took out the cups — Crowe had her own, it was pink. He put in milk and sugar the way she liked it. She sighed as she took the mug between her hands and inhaled. 

Nyx took a swig before regarding her with a steady gaze. "You can ask Noctis." 

She wanted to call him insane, but there was something earnest about him. She could. As if the Six wanted to laugh at them, there was a knock at the door. "Nyx?" 

"In here, little star." Crowe narrowed her eyes. 

Noctis walked through the door and blinked at her, surprised. "Oh, hi, Crowe. You okay?" He looked at ease with himself, and in being here. There was something about that that made her uneasy. 

She nodded. "Sure." Noctis shuffled into the kitchen where Nyx was already sliding a coffee cup over. Noctis took it as it was and drank. Again a detail she filed away for later. 

"Noct, how is Ignis in relationships?" Crowe and Noctis choked at the same time. She could see Noctis blink, trying to connect the question to the real world. He slid his gaze over to Crowe, just starring for a moment, then shrugging his shoulders. 

"Huh, he is a workaholic. Most girlfriends left him because they did not enjoy being second to his work. He can be romantic, but he also needs his space." 

That sounded promising? But Noctis and Ignis were childhood friends, would one cover for the other? But why? What would they gain out of it? Fuck, nothing made sense anymore. Was she overthinking? Possible. Could she stop? Maybe? 

She needed to dance. Like Nyx, she used dancing to sort herself out, to force the loop in her head to just stop and reset to the beginning. She looked at her wristwatch. If she went now, she could get a solid hour in before she needed to go to work at the office. 

She took another swig from the mug and stood. 

"You all right, Crowe?" asked Nyx with a concerned furrow to his brow. 

"I will after I dance." She winked at him before sauntering out. She could hear Noctis asking in the background what was that about and the soft rumble of Nyx' voice answering him. 

She put her high heels back on and hesitated at the door for a fraction of a moment. She wanted to go back and demand what was going on between them. No, this time it was about her and not about him. 

The door closed with a soft click. 

* * *

Nyx does not remember much of when he was a small child, somewhere lurked the face of his father, or the ones from relatives now long gone. With all clarity, he only remembered two faces, the tired one of his mother and the hopeful one of his sister. The one before the accident, before the blood and the death, before everything else. 

When he first saw a dance performance on a street corner at some kind of festival, his little body had acted on its own. He had no clue about the figures, the stances, or what rhythm was. He just followed the music, the bodies, and felt different, free. 

The moment he understood what dancing was, he begged his mother for courses, lessons, anything that could foster this feeling again. But tight with money and not seeing any sense for a hobby that did not contribute to a living, she refused. So he learned any way he could, from a street performer, the occasional lesson, when there was enough pocket money saved up, from videos lent out of the library, from the internet, anything that had music in it or the word dance wandered through his grubby fingers, and he devoured it. Along the way, he picked up Libertus, who was clumsier than him but had more stamina and more strength, and Crowe, who was fire, pure fire. Together they would sneak into studios and trying to pick up as many tips as they could before they were discovered and kicked out. 

They scraped by in school to their parents' despair, but they could not do much, they all needed to work, and they left the three alone. 

Nyx could have lived like that until the end of time, until the day his sister died in a tragic accident, just out of the blue from one day to another. Nobody was at fault, particular not Nyx. But, he felt guilty all the way, and his mother's gaze blamed him. The following weeks he danced. He forgot about everything besides dancing. In a park under the sky, the stars, in the rain and in the sun, he danced. People stopped and watched; they gave him money and applauded. He danced and danced. He dropped out of school and packed his things and moved to Insomnia. 

It had been the only way he knew how to cope. 

Insomnia was everything he had ever dreamed it would be and so much more. A city to get lost in. A place with its own set of rules and social structure. It took him years to find his footing. He slipped up. Badly. Constantly. Fights and alcohol and dancing was everything he lived by, paired with the occasional one-night stand on the side. The world was narrowing down to what happened from day to day, from night to night, and not much more. Again this would have been a way for him to live and live and live until he lay dead in the gutter at thirty. 

This time it was not an accident that shook his world, but a timely hook from Crowe, who arrived with Libertus in tow on a beautiful spring day, three years after he had come himself to Insomnia. 

Libs had just shrugged his shoulders, while Crowe had glowered at him, berating him for leaving them alone back home and never writing. They stayed, and he should fuck the man up and return to what he had come for, to dance, to be a fucking dancer and not a sorry excuse for one. His sister would have not wanted this, whatever this was that he was doing. Crowe had cried, Nyx had never seen Crowe cry. It made him cry. That night, they all three cried. 

They founded the Kingsglaives Dance Company, a path filled with hard work and many obstacles. A chance meeting allowed them to take off when Cor stumbled into their training space on the heels of a severe thunderstorm. Whatever he saw that day had been enough, and weeks later, they were funded by the Lucis' foundation.

On the day, Cor brought over the paperwork, that the funding was under contract, Nyx met the most peculiar boy. A brat with soft eyes and a lonely heart. Big blue eyes that saw the entire world and understood the lesser parts already. It had made Nyx heart squeeze tight, no child should ever look like that. It made his resolve all the firmer: He would give the children a smile and the life they deserved through dancing even if it was only for an hour once a week. 

Nyx blinked into the overhead light of the dojo. It was rare that he thought about the past. Most of the time, he just shoved the thoughts away and looked for a distraction. But watching Noctis takedown Gladio had made his mind wander. His movements held the same sureness of his own dances. Both followed a specific rhythm, not one of the music, but their own internal one, watching the opponent with sharp eyes, their mind strategizing what to do next, waiting for the slightest sign of weakness, and an opening they could exploit. After circling each other for a few seconds, the staff clicked together in rapid succession, Gladio meeting every one of Noctis strikes with his own. He started to press back, but Noctis kept his cool, expecting the moves and hitting again. It was a close dance. No less intimate than the ones in the clubs or on the stage. 

Nyx remembered the blue eyes of the little boy, struck in awe at the dance moves. After, he had never seen him again. When Cor came around, he was always alone. Noctis' eyes reminded him of that child. They were almost the same shade, the same intense gaze that had already seen so much of the world. 

"Fancy meeting you here, Ulric." Said a rough voice next to him. 

Nyx' head snapped around, thinking of the devil. "Cor?" The other just nodded. He was the same stoic self. His eyes focused on the fighters, taking in every sharp turn, every twist, every mistake. Nyx had him only ever seen different when he had been with the little birthday boy. 

In for a penny… "Cor?" 

Cor raised an eyebrow. "I thought we had established that." But he looked over. As a younger man, Nyx had never appreciated the humor of the man. Now, he smiled.

"Whatever happened to your nephew?" He asked. 

Cor stopped and blinked. Nyx had accomplished something nobody ever had, he had rendered Cor speechless. 

"Don't be funny, Ulric," Cor growled. 

Nyx furrowed his brows. "I'm not sure I can follow." 

Cor blinked again and laughed, belly-deep and hysteric. Nyx looked over to Noctis and Gladio, who had stopped and watched them with bewildered expressions. Nyx just shrugged with his shoulders and made Cor move out of the training room. He helped to sit Cor down on one of the outside seats and got a bottle of water from one of the vending machines. He handed it over, and the other took it, drinking in deep gulps, getting himself back under control. 

"Spit it out, old man. What's so funny about the question?" Nyx got the impression Cor was laughing at him. 

Cor still chuckled. "Ulric, my nephew, is right behind that door, and you can guess who." He pointed to the training room, where the rattling sounds of the wooden stakes picked up again. 

Nyx blinked. "Noctis." He breathed, unsteady, and fell right next to Cor on the bench. Speak about coincidences. But did it all make sense? "Is he really your nephew?" 

Cor smiled. "Not by blood." 

"But how do you know him?" Nyx asked. He had a thought, not much more than a spark, but it was absurd. 

"I have worked for and with his father for a long time." There was a glint in his eyes. 

Nyx tapped his leg in a nervous gesture. "But you work for the Lucis' foundation?" Cor nodded with a smirk, and Nyx stopped. "But Noctis surname is Caelum." His heart started to pound, this was — He had no fucking clue what this was. 

Cor just shrugged his shoulders. "His full name is Noctis Lucis Caelum. He started to go by Caelum when he began High School, distinguishing himself from his father, Regis Lucis Caelum. It's a wonder you never came across the whole family tree." 

Nyx shrugged. "I have no interest in politics."

"Cor." The voice was tired. They both looked up, Noctis was scowling at them, the hair plastered to his face. 

Cor's gaze flickered between him and Nyx. "Oh." 

"Oh, indeed." Came the sarcastic reply. Every other day Nyx would have appreciated it, but now he still tried to get his thoughts together. 

"Did you want something from me?" Noctis was still not looking thrilled. 

Cor coughed embarrassed. "No, I wanted something from Amiticia."  
  
"He finished," and that would have been a good pun, a real shame Nyx could not appreciate it at this moment. 

Cor stood up. "I will leave you to it then." And walked into the training room, hollering for Gladio. 

Nyx looked up at the silence. A whirlwind of emotions danced through Noctis' eyes. There was anger, resignation, and worry. Also, something soft, but Nyx ignored it. 

"So, a Lucis?" He said with a slight raise of his eyebrow. 

Noctis groaned, sitting down beside him. "You will never let me live that one down." 

"Nope." Popping the 'P' with a smirk. 

* * *

Deep in the night's darkness. The dim light from the advertisement boards crept through the window and painted pastry silver light onto the floor and the wall. 

The breathing told him that Noctis was also not asleep. "Why did you not tell me, little star?" 

There was a weary sigh before the eyes blinked open and searched his gaze. "You mad?" 

Nyx rose onto one elbow and rapped his knuckles against Noctis' cheek. "You think we had done three rounds if I had been mad? For mad, there is only one." He smirked at Noctis' eye roll. "No, I'm not mad. You have not given me a reason to be. You never lied to me, as far as I can tell, there had always been the truth between us." There was a slight inflection of his voice to the end of the sentence, making it a question. It was enough that Noctis felt compelled to answer. 

"No lies, never had there been lies." Raising his hand and laying it on Nyx cheek in a mirror of his gesture. Nyx took it and pressed a kiss to it. Unspoken, they drifted together. Noctis took refuge on Nyx' left side. "For the why," he spoke while drawing lazy circles on Nyx naked chest, crossing different tattoo lines, "because it was of no consequence. You had gotten the foundation money already, so I had no influence over it. I'm also not involved in any of the works of the foundation itself, so there was no need to reveal myself. I just wanted you to see me as a fan, an admirer." He shrugged. 

"I trust you. Well, I will give it to you, I'm shocked." He chuckled. "But it does not change a thing." He looked down into Noctis' bright eyes, watching fathomless pools shift. There was no bottom to them. Nyx was sure, if he was not careful, he would drown in them, never finding his way out. 

"Not a thing?" Came the silent question. 

"Not a thing." Little star. 

And it was the truth. Perhaps Noctis had money, more than Nyx ever could imagine. But, Nyx had what he wanted, he had built his own business together with Crowe and Libs, made his own standing. He was someone. There was nothing missing from his life, so why should the revelation change even the slightest thing? Okay, maybe he would make Noctis pay more often when they ate out, not that he had the most eligible bachelor in whole Insomnia in his bed. But otherwise… 

"I can hear you think, Ulric."   
  
Nyx smiled into the darkness. "Stop that."   
  
"Make me beautiful."  
  
Noctis groaned but obliged. 

Yes, Nyx pondered as he got lost in Noctis yet again, he had everything. He should be ecstatic, elevated even. Instead, he was only feeling sadness. Ever-present grief. He swallowed, shoved the unbidden thoughts deep into the reclusive corners of his mind, hidden with all the others. He knew there would be a heavy price to pay, but not today. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But maybe next week? Find out how their relationship progresses and if Nyx will ever return next week in: Demons
> 
> I thank you for the kudos! They are my life, subscribe if you don't want to miss an update, and tell me what you liked best in the comments. :D
> 
> See you next week!


	6. Demons

Why do I desire the space?  
I was mourning after you  
I was lost and lost my shape  
There was nothing I could do

I don't want to waste away  
It was all I gave to you  
Take me back and take my place  
I will rise right up for you

(Manchester Orchestra - Silence)

**Then**

"Nyx, what are you doing?" The rain was coming down hard, but Nyx kept dragging them through the streets and the running people, who were in search of any kind of shelter. But not them. Nyx laughed and continued on his path.

In a small park, he stopped and drew him close. And swayed them, while the rain pattered on. "Nyx?"

"This was one of the first locations I danced at when I arrived in Insomnia. It was a day like this. The rain was falling, and nobody stopped and watched me. But I said, fuck it and danced. I never felt so free." 

Noctis smiled and let himself fall in the rhythm only Nyx heard. A swirl, close again, a step to the side, another whirl. The rain faded, the outside world faded, only them, alone, in a bubble of timelessness. 

The deep comforting thumbing of Nyx heart under his hand, the broad smile, the laughter in his eyes, Noctis noticed a soft flutter deep in his stomach.

It returned hours later when they lay exhausted in Nyx' bed, the first night without sex, just lazily kissing until Nyx had fallen asleep.

Inbetween the still falling rain and the curtain of darkness, Noctis felt fragile.

* * *

* * *

  
**Now**

"You are what now?" Nyx blinked at the phone, he was not sure he heard right. It could be, the therapeutic sessions were grueling. He had barely fell into his bed at home when his phone had rung. 

"Pregnant, Nyx. It's an easy word." Crowe said, with what was surely an eye roll.

"But how?" he asked, still confused.

"I hope I need not explain the process for you." She cackled.

Nyx rolled his eyes. "No, please don't." He licked his lips. "Is it Ignis?"

She snorted. "Yes, brother." 

He laughed at the jab. "This is good news, Crowe. Are you happy?" 

"I'm happy." Her tone was soft. "And this is also the reason I'm calling. We will need you back here soon. You need to help with this kindergarten. I'm not sure Libertus can shoulder this responsibility." She paused. "It's been nearly three years, Nyx, it is time to come home." 

He closed his eyes, the longing sharp and blinding. He missed his city, the endless cityscape, the different music and dances and theaters, the different cultures and traditions, he missed his friends. 

He missed Noctis.

"Okay." He breathed.

"Okay?" Nyx heard in her voice she didn't believe it would be that easy.

"Okay," he said with more conviction.

She screamed in his ear. He laughed at that, first startled then more open than he had in a long time. It was the right choice, so fucking right, nothing in the last years had felt so right. He would miss Galahd, he was sure, he would miss his mother again and Luche and the kids from the school here, but now, as he had put his life back together, was it time to face the demons he left behind.

"We will talk later, Crowe, when I made the arrangements. I will need to confirm with Luche." But he had seen some plans Luche was making; his name was not it.

"I will see you soon, Nyx." And the line was dead.

He smiled at the phone and looked up as he saw movement out of the periphery of his eye. His mother stood in the doorway, looking at him with… he was not sure how to name the emotion. Sadness, resignation, joy, and something that said that she was sorry.

She had been supportive. Drove him to his sessions, visited him in the hospital, drove him to the dance school, so he was able to still oversee the lessons when needed, she did it without ever complaining. She sat with him when he vomited into the toilet bowl because he had overextended himself, sat with him when he cried out of frustration. Prepped his meals as he needed them, making sure he took his medication on point.

She was not great with words like himself, but she showed that she cared.

"You will leave." A statement. It was earlier than they had expected.

"Crowe is pregnant. She will need help with the company." There was a slight smile.

"I never asked, is there someone special in your life?"

"After three years?" But he smiled.

His mother shrugged in a helpless gesture. Well, he had never told her about crushes or boyfriends before, so she hadn't dared.

Was there someone special? Maybe. "No, not anymore."

She looked at him like she had never looked at him before. Trying to see deep into his heart. "Not anymore?"

"Three years is a long time."

She nodded and turned to go. "I put the cattle on if you want some tea." Nyx longed for his bed, wanted to take a nap, and then get started on moving, but has he looked over, his mother's gaze closed off again.

"Yeah, I'd like one. I will help you."

One more day would be all right.

* * *

* * *

  
**Then**

Libertus put his glass down with more force than necessary, at least in Nyx' opinion. He felt the eyes of his friend on him. Tracing and tracking. "Can you please repeat?" He saw that Libs tried for nonchalance, but the tone was biting, unbelieving. Nyx dragged his eyes from the floor, watching the people dance. It made him jittery, wanting to move, getting lost in the rhythm. He had difficulty concentrating on the conversation.

"Noctis is the son of Regis Lucis, founder of the Lucis' foundation." 

There was a whole pause in his Libs’ body. "Are you kidding me?" Nyx winced but kept his face impassive. "This bullshit again?" Nyx was silent. "The fuck wasn't Drautos enough?"

Drautos. That rang a whole other bell inside Nyx, a deep dark and desolate one.

Drautos had been charming, not quite good looking, but well-spoken, and he had money. It was a time before the foundation, a time they needed the money, and were Nyx still believed with naivety in the good of people. But Drautos had changed that; he had used the money and Nyx' feelings to put pressure on Nyx, his friends, and the company. The fight to get them and him out of that had left him broken. Drautos had later died in a freak accident, struck by lightning, but still, the damage had been done, and was still done.

"Noctis is different." It sounded lame, even to his ears. And Libs knew it. The fact was, Noctis was different; he was like a drug, something Nyx was not getting enough off, that haunted him like a spectrum in the depth of the night.

"And the foundation money?"

Nyx sighed. "Noctis has no say in the foundation's operation. He cannot hold that money over our heads." He believed Noctis when the other had said that, and he still believed him. Noctis and money was something easy. He was not flaunting it, with cars and gifts as Drautos had. Besides, he had not that kind of relationship with Noctis at all.

There was a long look from Libs. "And you believe the words out of the pretty mouth?"

Nyx scrunched his eyebrows. "Oi, what does that mean?" 

Libs knocked back the amber liquid of his glass while keeping his steady gaze on Nyx. "Exactly that, when a pretty mouth or pretty eyes come winking, or a pretty ass wiggles in your direction you are on that person, and everything that little trollop tells you, you straight up believe. This is enough. I'm tired of that shit."

Nyx blinked at him, when did the conversation derail like that? "Noctis is not a trollop."

"Well, he has to be if he can keep up with you." And right there, at that moment, even before he opened the mouth to utter the sounds, that would form the words, Libs knew he had fucked up. Sometimes he forgot, who Nyx could be. Most of the time, he was easy did not care if someone fucked up something, as long nobody he cared about is getting hurt. And Nyx cared about Noctis. Libertus saw it in how his eyes darkened, the jaw clenched, and how his whole body froze. Libs swallowed, trying to relent some of it. "Nyx—"

But Nyx just looked at him. That one look that said he had seconds to get the hell out of here or Nyx would not be above himself to beat him into a pulp. Libs looked him in the eyes and saw hurt, a crushing hurt. They both knew that Nyx was touch starved, always searching for an emotional connection. The sex was a getaway to numb this feeling, this urge. It had always been a topic of discussion between them, of anguish and pain, and he just had thrown that right back into his face.

With a last glance, he left.

The night air was biting and cut right through his thin jacket, well, that served him right. He took out his phone and hovered over the call button. Crowe would hear about it, and if he did not get brave himself and get the ball rolling, she would be pissed at him.

"Libs, what is it? Do I already need to get you both?" He exhaled. "Libertus?" Another pause. "What happened, you both all right?"

"Yeah, no, shit, I fucked up." There was a short break as Crowe shifted around, sitting upright, giving him her undivided attention.

"What did you do?" Her voice was cutting.

He sighed. "I got into a fight with Nyx over Noctis and called Noctis a whore and Nyx a sex-addict." To her credit, Crowe did not on the spot yelled at him. That at least needed to count for something. But the silence on the other line was not better.

"Oh, Libs, why?" He shrugged, just remembering she could not see the gesture.

"He told me that Noctis is Regis Lucis’ son and fuck shit, it's Drautos all over again. I'm out of this, Crowe. I have enough, I can't… I can't watch him getting broken again. I have enough from all the escapades and trying to get his broken heart back to something functioning again. I can't see him hurt again over something stupid like money." A deep sigh. "I just can't, Crowe." 

"You think this goes deeper than the occasional booty call?" Her tone was careful over the phone.

"You tell me!" He shouted. "It's fucking Nyx. He is the one who always thinks, he stands above such pesky things like emotions but is always the first who gets invested too much. And then gets hurt." He growled. Loud enough that a passerby gave him a wide berth.

She exhaled. "Libs, this can be different, just—"

"No, Crowe, no." Another breath. He was done, done with him, with them, with the whole topic and at the moment with the company. "I will take a few weeks to cool off."

"And your classes?" 

There was a snort. "Nyx can deal with it." 

Libs closed the call.

Crowe stared down at her phone. She worried at her underlip and tried to decide if calling Nyx at this point was a bad or a terrible idea. He was out there alone, pent up with anger, and nobody to keep an eye on him. The last fight he had had been now weeks ago, but they could not risk it. If things got even worse, the whole company and everything they had worked for was now in danger. Would she be able to cut Nyx out, if worst came to worst?

Her finger hovered over the button as the doorbell rang. She blinked. Who would it be?  
She crossed the room to the small entry hall in a few steps and looked through the spy. Nyx. The door was opened in microseconds.

"Nyx!" she shouted. His gaze wandered from her face to the phone in her hand.

"Has Libs called you?" There was resignation in his gaze, his whole body emanating an air of weariness and being tired.

She shrugged. "Yes."

"Can I come in?" There was something fragile about him. He looked the same, completely the same. But it was like a breath could knock him over and crush him to dust.

"Depends, show me your hands?" Nyx raised them, barring his knuckles. They looked normal, the old scraps gone, leaving fresh pink skin behind. His face also looked not like he did post-fight. The feverish gleam in his eyes did not show the rough mix from guilt and embarrassment. She opened the door wider as an answer and stepped to the side.

They stood in the dingy hallway, breathing.

"Is Ignis in?" She shook her head, still waiting. "Would you have sent me away?" She looked away, which was answer enough.

A sigh and she let the words fall between them, they both dreaded. "You are losing it again, Nyx."

He smiled thinly; it was cold and lonely. "Probably."

"Speak to me." They had promised each other all those years ago. If he lost it again, if he fell into that personal pit of hell ever again, and that he would come to her and fucking talk.

He looked around. "Can we sit down?"

She studied him. "Will you be truthful?"

Nyx scratched his head and looked away before settling on her again. "Will you, Crowe?"

She should have seen this one coming. She had been preoccupied and not called him out on his shit. It was not only Libertus who was tired of playing babysitter, and Nyx knew it. "Yeah."

They settled in the living room. Crowe sat down, while Nyx kept standing, wandering around, looking at the stuff Crowe collected over the years, things he knew by heart, on a quest to find a beginning. There was something in him, something different. A tremble to his fingers. To his eyes. She saw him open his mouth, but there was no sound. He furrowed his brows, angry at himself. "I—" He tried again. And then all the fight went out of him. "If I can't even say it, here between us, with no ramifications, how can I even think about telling it to him."

Crowe was silent. She remembered how it had been with Drautos. Nyx had stood at the same place, proud and confident, declaring that he was in love. And now, he was scared and lost, and in love again.

"Noctis is not Drautos." She said with care.

"I know that." He murmured while looking at the wall with all her photos on it. 

She raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"

Nyx was silent for a long moment, looking at the picture of the three. Crowe traced the harsh lines in his face. Had he lost weight? "I will break him. I'm already doing it." He sighed. "But I can't stop." He traced their smiling faces on the pictures with his fingertips. "I'm obsessed." He turned, hiding his hands in the armpits. Crowe was sure it was to stave off the tremble. "And still, I want him to be happy." He looked away. "I'm tired. And I have no clue anymore what I want."

Crowe knew him. She learned his demons, his hardships, his falls. "And dancing?"

His eyes glittered in the oncoming twilight. "The only thing that still makes me happy, the only thing I will never give up."

"So, what will you do?" He wandered over to the window. For a moment, he appeared like a statue, suspended in time. 

"I have no clue." His voice came from far away.

"I'm sorry, Nyx." He turned to her and leaned back against the windowsill, waiting. "I shut you out the last weeks. I was sure something was up, something was not right, but I—" She looked down at her hands. "This time, I can't do it. I needed to think about myself and what is going on, but I left you also alone."

He chuckled, not a pretty sound. "I get it. Some parts in me want to blame you for that, but… I don't even know anymore…"

This was Nyx stripped bare. Lost and lonely, unraveling in a world he did not understand, he had never understood; a little boy with a too big heart, that never got a break, then never gave himself a break.

"I should leave." He smiled at her, thin and broken.

"Libs—"

"Will come around." The hopefully fizzled away between them. There was a last gaze before Nyx walked out. The door closed with a soft click.

Crowe sighed. She opened her phone out of instinct, calling the one contact at the top of her list.

"Crowe, you all right?" There was rustling, she looked at the clock, it was late.

"I'm sorry, I- I will call you tomorrow." She suppressed a sob. She would not cry before Ignis. 

"Crowe?" His voice held alarm.

"I- I-," she would not say it, she would not depend on him.

"I will be there in ten minutes." And the line went dead. 

Fifteen minutes later, as she lay encompassed in Ignis' arms, just cuddling, no sex, no words, no demands, she found peace.

* * *

Noctis was on the phone in seconds. "Yes?" he whispered.

"Noctis, why are you on Nyx' phone?" Libertus paused, then sighed. "Okay, stupid question. Can you get Nyx on the phone?"

"No." Only one word thrown, but firm and with no compromise.

"Oi, now—"

"Who is?" came the muffled, not awake voice from Nyx.

"Work. Go back to sleep. I will be right back." The answer was an inaudible stream of words as Nyx fell right back into sleep. Noctis used the opportunity to climb out and walk to the living room, closing the door behind him.

"Fuck man, why did you tell him it's work?" Libertus sounded angry.

"Because he has just gotten to sleep, you and I both know if I had said your name, he would have been wide awake, helped you with whatever shit you have gotten yourself into, and never gotten back to actual sleep. Also, you can be sure that he hadn't slept at all the last days because of whatever shit happened in the last weeks. Which begs the question, why are you calling?"

There was another pause at the end of the line. Then a resigned noise. "I got myself in some shit, and I need someone to get me."

"Where are you?"

"Inner-city hospital," Libs mumbled.

"You all right?" If it was something earnest, he would need to wake Nyx, but then, Libertus was calling, so at least he was not dying.  
  
"Yeah," Libs' voice was reassuring. "I tried to help someone, twisted my foot, and now I'm on crutches." 

Noctis sighed. "Nyx will be so pleased, and Crowe might kill you."

"I know." There was a chuckle somewhere.

"I will be there in ten." He closed the call before Libertus got another word in. Noctis stood a moment in the room's darkness and inhaled. He still could go back and wake Nyx; it would be the responsible thing to do. But he cared. Nyx looked terrible. Dark smudges under his eyes, from taking the double classes and the barkeeper job. He had stumbled in at 3am in the morning, before falling out of the bed at 7am again. How did that saying go, it was easier to ask for forgiveness? Well, he would deal with the consequences later. His clothes were still thrown around the living room. So he grabbed his pants and t-shirt, took Nyx’ keys, and was out.

He liked to drive at night. When the people were already home, and the workers did not start the day yet. It was a peaceful time. As he shifted through the deserted streets, the radio playing some low key jazz, he felt something shift inside him. It was not something he was yet willing to examine too closely.

Ten minutes later, on the dot, did he stop before the main entrance of the central hospital. Libertus was already waiting. Noctis put the car in park position, hopped out, and helped Libertus settle in.

“Where to?" Noctis said in the car's stillness.

"Home." 

Noctis only nodded, shifted into gear, and with a low hum of the engine, they were on the way. Silence reigned, the jazz still playing, a female voice crooning in the background, a distant serenade. "Thank you." Libs' voice was nearly silent, Noctis shrugged it away.

It was another minute before he spoke. "I'm not that far gone in my money to see myself above helping people when they need it." Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Libs wince.

"Yep, I earned that one." It sounded tired, weary like he was losing a fight.

"Yeah, you did." Another round of silence. The car cutting through the night like a ship through still water. Smooth, with a steady hum.

"This is your car?" The tiredness changed to admiration.

"Yeah, a friend of my father helped me to restore it. Has been my pride ever since."

After they parked and Libs declined any help from Noctis, he still waited a few seconds. The apartment complex was dark; on the corner burned a single light, like a beacon.

"I'm sorry." He was not looking at him.

Noctis gripped the steering wheel tighter. "It's not me you need to apologize too."

There was a weary sigh. "I know, and still, I also implied things about you, and that was not right. It's just—" he stopped.

"I think I get it. I could destroy everything you have worked for, and you don't know me. You are not sure what I'm capable of, so you assume the worst."

Libs frowned. "There is history for that."

"There always is, and there always will be." Noctis' was exhausted. Things with Nyx had been on the odds in the last weeks, and his fight with Libertus did not help. He just hoped they would get over whatever was going on. "You sure you need no help?"

Libertus took the change of topic with grace and nodded. With a last look at Noctis, he wobbled out of the car.

Noctis had already left before the entry door closed behind Libs.

* * *

"Why didn't you wake me?" Nyx' voice was laced fury, so much fury.

"You had just fallen asleep. It seemed the most sensible way, as you hadn't gotten enough in the last days." Noctis blinked, he was unsure why Nyx reacted so intense. He had done nothing untoward, nothing wrong. He had gotten Libs, drove him home, and returned to Nyx' apartment. It had taken Libs days to speak to Nyx about it (and apologize), and the instant he had Nyx was on him.

"He is not your friend. If something happens, I will take care of it."

Noctis shrugged, he tried to stay calm, but he felt irritated, he was being reprimanded like a little child would for doing something forbidden. Something he never reacted well too. 

Calm down, Noctis, Nyx had an exhausting week behind him, well it had been an exhausting month, even months in plural form — things derailed for quite some time. He still did not get what was going on with Nyx. Just that he was not privy to it, and that may be the crux of it all. 

"I only thought you needed a break, you look like shit, and I worry. So I took action; it is not a big deal." Another shrug, another try to defuse the situation, but something bubbled along his skin, something ugly, something unsettling.

There was an implication in Nyx' words.

And then he said it. "You are not my boyfriend. I can take care of myself. You are just a fuck, so keep out of my shit."

"Fuck you." 

The door closed with a crash.

  
Nyx blinked at the space Noctis had occupied. He was doing it again, started to pick fights over things that hardly mattered. By the Six, he had been grateful that Noctis had taken it upon himself to look out for Libs. To have someone who saw him as important enough to let him sleep and sort it out with his friend warmed him. It made him happy, but as soon as he had thought it, the other voice had set in, mocking him, and everything he saw was someone butting into his life. Shit.

He needed something. 

He needed a distraction.

A bar.

A drink.

A body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, shit is going down, but what will happen next? Next week it is: What love can heartbreak allow
> 
> Two chapters left, I thank all who have stayed so far. I hope you feel entertained. :D


	7. What love can heartbreak allow

I'm giving you a nightcall  
To tell you how I feel  
I'm gonna drive you through the night  
Down the hills  
I'm gonna tell you something  
You don't want to hear  
(London Grammar- Nightcall)

**Now**

"You knew." They were the first words out of Nyx' mouth as he closed the door behind him, following Crowe into the living room. She was furrowing her brows for a moment before there was a new light in her eyes.

"Prompto?" She asked with a weary sigh.

Nyx shrugged. "Well, he can not not talk, and then things slip out. Just. Like. That." He crossed his arms. "Did you knew from the beginning that the Aulea Group Foundation is Noctis' brainchild?" 

Crowe set down slowly, her hands on the growing bulge. "I suspected," she said with a shrug.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.

"Because you would not have taken it." Came the lazy drawl from the kitchen opening.  
  
Nyx knew that voice, he may even have dreamed about it in the last years, always denying it to himself the next day. His therapist had said it was the biggest unresolved demon he had. 

He turned and looked for the first time at his ex-lover. There were subtle differences. The hair was different; there were the early signs of lines around the eyes, the forehead. But besides that, Noctis Caelum looked precisely the same as he had three years ago. 

"Hello, Nyx." It was a voice void of any emotions.

Nyx swallowed, then turned back to Crowe. "You could have told me he is here." He turned to Noctis, "Why are you even here?" Which earned him a raised eyebrow.

"You said it is urgent," Crowe said with another shrug, "and Ignis worries. He is away for the weekend, and they take turns. It would have been Gladio's turn, but he's gotten ill. So here we are…" She shrugged again, looking from one to the other. "And this is my clue to go to bed. This whole stress level is not good for the junior."

Noctis looked her over. "You need help?" But she waved at him and disappeared down the hall.

"Why?" Was the first word out of Nyx mouth, before he could think of something else.

Noctis sat down on the couch and shrugged. "Because I could?" He smiled, it did not reach his eyes. "Don't look so threatened. You were the first, your case helped me to convince more donors to follow, and it took off from there. So I need to thank you for accepting when you did."

"You are here," Nyx whispered. He was not prepared, not like that, not like this.

"Yes, Nyx, I'm here." There seemed to be more behind his words than the syllables, which made them. Nyx blinked.

"I—" he turned to go. He needed to process. The last three years had taken that protective layer of smirks and nonchalance he yet had to rebuild. He was raw inside.

"Nyx." Noctis' voice stopped him. "It does not have to mean anything."

Nyx did not turn his head. "You gave me back dancing; it means everything." And then he was gone.

Outside he gulped in the air, trying to anchor himself again like he had learned. It was painful, too many thoughts at once, too many feelings he needed to sort through. His phone buzzed. 

"You know where to find me when you want to talk." 

Not if, when. Despite everything Nyx smiled, Noctis had grown up. And he? He looked into the night sky, trying to find an answer there, but the gods kept silent. He would have to find an answer on his own, but was there even a question? With sudden clarity, he knew he could go back now, and they would fall into each other, return to what they had been. But did he want that?

He did the only thing he could do; he returned to the studio and danced.

Exhausted and still with no idea on what to do, he fell asleep on the couch. 

* * *

The awakening was rude. Nyx jolted up to knock out Libertus smiling face with his own forehead. Damn that hurt, missing the nose by a fraction. 

"Man, what was that for?" Libs complained while rubbing his forehead.

Nyx flipped him the finger. "If you have your ugly mug that close over me, I'm not responsible for anything." 

Libertus shoved Nyx feet from the couch and let himself fall into it, he waved to two to-go-mugs and a pastry bag. "And I was so nice getting you your fix." 

Nyx blinked at that, it meant Libs had already been here and had gone again. "Thanks, Libs." He grabbed the closest cup and inhaled the lovely aroma. It was perfect.

"So sleeping on the studio couch again?" It was a careful question. 

Nyx knew if he looked over, Libs would be watching him. "It's not like that." He held the mug with both hands and let the warmth seep into his cold fingers. Even with a blanket, the temperature had dropped overnight. He knew were Libs was coming from. It had been a regular occurrence before Noctis, drinking, dancing, fighting, and sleeping in the studio to start the circle anwe the next day.

"Then why are you here, Nyx?" Libertus was trying to be neutral, but there was a hint of worry.

"You talked to Crowe." It wasn't even a question. Naturally, she had called him, possible the moment she had left the living room.

"She will be a mother, so she worries about us even more." Libertus chuckled. Nyx followed with his own. 

He stood up and walked to the studio floor, looking out from the huge windows to the rising sun and the world below. "It's just, I needed to get these thoughts out, this energy, and it was the safest to do it with the dancing. To find an answer."

Libertus joined him. "What was the question?" 

Nyx snorted. "That's what I found. I have no clue what the question even is." He took a deep swig from the coffee. The warmth sliding down his throat was a welcoming distraction. 

"Well, let me help you, do you want Noctis back?" 

Nyx raised an eyebrow at him, his lips twisting into a small smile. "I think it is more complex than that."

Libertus shrugged, not looking at his friend but tracking something outside. "I call bullshit. The question is that easy." He turned his head. "Do you want Noctis back?"

"Yes." He didn't even think about the answer, there was not even a breath before he answered. He wanted Noctis back, wanted the man back at his side, getting lost in him again, explore life with him, share with him, the man he was, the man he had become. 

"In what form? As a friend, as a lover, as fuck buddy?" His gaze borrowing into Nyx'.

Nyx needed a moment to get the words out, it was clear in his mind, had been clear for quite some time. But he had never voiced it out loud, always breathed it in the space before him, dreamed it when the night was at its darkest, let it go in the smoke of a midnight cigarette. "Partner." He pressed his hand against the glass, feeling way too hot. "I want him to be my partner, in everything, all that cheese and cliche-ridden things Crowe has read in these romance novels. I love him. I have been in love with him for way too long." He took a breath. "But I'm not sure, this will work, if he even still feels the same, hell, if he is still the same man I once fell in love with, or if just love an image of him."

Libs boxed him on the arm. "By the Six, man, this is way too deep for a morning."

Nyx laughed. "You are right." He turned around, remembering the waiting pastries. "Breakfast, then training?"

Libertus groaned but slapped him on the back. Nyx felt lighter. Having out in the open, what had been buried for the past years felt refreshing, like maybe he could now move forward, whatever direction it was.

* * *

  
It turned out, it was toward Noctis. To be a part of the now intermixed friends' group, brought its own challenges. Sometimes Noctis would get Prompto after one of the training sessions, so they could go to an arcade or game at home; he would always chat with Libertus and smile at Nyx. He would hang around Crowe's and Ignis' place, because he had something to consult Ignis on, or they would make plans about the Aulea Group, while Nyx planned the season with Crowe. Sometimes they all four sat down to a pleasant dinner; sometimes, Nyx would excuse himself, hunted by blue eyes and a small smile. 

But there were also special moments. When Noctis would watch him dance, while Prompto changed or whatever the boy did in the locker rooms. Sometimes Nyx could time it right and was mid-performance when Noctis arrived. When the music ended, he would sometimes catch him on the other side of the mirror. No smile, but stormy eyes. Nyx could feel them on him, but when he finished his movements and scanned the surrounding area, Noctis had left. It made his heart pump, painfully. 

It made him hope.

* * *

* * *

**Then**

Crowe groaned and swatted at the insisting buzzing. But the constant "bz bz bzzzz" would not go away. The body next to her started to shift. 

"Is it mine or yours?" came the rough voice of Ignis.

As answer Crowe groaned again, shifting in the bed, she patted after it on the nightstand, because it wouldn't stop. "Huh?" Was the only word she was capable of after she accepted the call. Who the fuck calls in the middle of the night?

"Hi, Crowe."

She blinked a moment, sorting the voice into her memory and trying to find a face to it. "Nyx?" He didn't sound drunk, but Nyx seldom sounded drunk when he was three sheets into the wind. She squinted at the screen, not recognizing the number, but it looked familiar.

"I'm sorry, Crowe." Suddenly she was wide awake. "Can you come and get me?" She put it all together even before he verified it with his next words. "Central Police HQ."

"Is it what I think it is?"

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. "Yes." 

Crowe sorted through her brain. She could hear Nyx breathing, in and out. Deliberate slow. "Give me ten." Already raising from the bed.

"I will tell the officer." He closed the call, the screen turning dark. She blinked a moment into the sudden darkness.

"What's going on?" Ignis' voice brought her back. She got up and put on clothes.

"Nothing bad, go back to sleep." 

But Ignis was wide awake. "You need help?"

Her face softened, she smiled small and sweet. "No." 

Ignis still watched her, his gaze slid over her skin and trying to find out what was happening. "Will you return tonight?" She looked over and saw something in his eyes. He did not know what had happened, but it was something serious, and it involved Nyx.

"I'm not sure." She shrugged while pulling her hair into a ponytail. "Go back to sleep, I will talk to you later." And with a last kiss, she was gone.

Central Police HQ was only a few blocks down, so she walked, using the cold night air to wake up. How she got them home, depended on the state, Nyx was in.

She stepped into the massive stone building, with its gleaming floor and beige-white walls, nostalgia waved through her. The wrong kind, the one you hoped to never encounter again.

The night officer directed her to the holding area. When she stepped trough the door, her eyes found him, the only person sitting in the cheap plastic chairs, under the watchful eyes of two officers on the other side. Nyx did not look worse for the wear but still defeated. She glimpsed bandaged hands and sighed. Her brother had his head bowed, and the shoulders curled inward, tried and failed to make himself smaller than he was.

She stepped to the officer who was pinning down paperwork.

"I'm here for Nyx Ulric." The policeman studied her a moment before nodding and pushing the paperwork into her direction. Crowe filled everything with diligence. "Are there charges?" she asked at last.

"No. He was lucky, enough witnesses say that the other started it, but his loose mouth did not help." Crowe sighed again.

"I imagine." She wrote her last signature and pushed the papers back. The officer looked them over and nodded then.

"We held him here because he seemed to be kinda out of it." The officer shrugged. "Ulric, you are free to go." 

Nyx head snapped up his gaze finding Crowe's. His eyes were bloodshot. If he followed the same pattern as before, then he had not slept for a few days, keeping himself awake with coffee and energy shots. She took him by the arm, and he fell into a step beside her.

The silence was deafening. A silent Nyx was never a good sign. It grated on her like she was walking with a shadow, a ghost. She broke the uneasy peace. "Noctis?" 

That got her a shrug, and a "does not matter."

"Nyx." She tried her best commanding voice, but it was full of worry.

He relented, after more minutes of silence hanging between them in the soft light of the street lamps. Nobody crossed their path. "Haven't talked to him in a few…" there was a vacant look. "A few days."

Crowe exhaled. She did not understand. Any of this. Why was it happening now? Well, a voice whispered inside her, there were signs, and she and Libs ignored them. This was all a mess.

"Let's get you home." She tried for a lighter tone.

Nyx chuckled, but there was no humor in his face. "Home." It was bleak. 

This was bad. Crowe could see him lost in his world, battling whatever demon had risen in his mind and could not let go. 

A few minutes later they arrived in Nyx apartment, she settled him in his bed, giving him the knockouts to get him the fuck to sleep. He protested, he always did, yes, they left him out of sort the next day, but he needed to sleep. To stop that circle in his head for the moment, to get him back to the earth with them. 

As he drifted off, his eyes found hers. "I'm sorry, Crowe." There was a slight tremble in his voice, in his being. She nodded, and Nyx was out. She left the door open and settled in the living room with a strong coffee. She would need top phone Libertus in the morning, Nyx was in no state to work. Her finger was hovering over Noctis' contact. She pressed the message button and stared at the blinking cursor until she saw double. 

She had stopped to understand their relationship and take it at face value, friends with benefits, and nothing more. When she had told Ignis that Nyx did not date, it had been the truth. Nyx had tried in the past, Drautos not being the only one, but every relationship attempt had left him more broken. He had sabotaged them himself, and they all fell to ash between his hands. It had hurt to watch him crumble, and it had hurt him, never understanding why he did it.

Was he doing it again? But they were not in a relationship. She gnawed at her thumbnail in thought. Was Libertus right? She closed the phone and waited.

The sun had almost risen when she heard the shuffling of feet. Nyx stood in the doorway, destroyed, defeated, and unsure.

"It's time to talk."

Nyx nodded. "Yes."

* * *

  
Nyx drove. The machine roared as he kicked it into a higher gear, the powerful body vibrating under him. Nyx gripped the handle tighter, letting the world drift away. There was the steady drum of his heart, the rough sound of his breath captured inside the helmet. The lights of the street lamps danced before his eyes. The endless streets unfurled before him, beckoning him. Even in Insomnia were the highways free at the witching hour. That magical moment, where nothing was impossible. 

It felt like flying. Sometimes Nyx wished he could close his eyes and let go. Instead, he made the bike roar.

The sand crunched under his heavy boots when he came to a stop. He blinked into the darkness, away from Insomnias mocking lights. The sea stretching before him like an endless night. A soft wind ruffled his hair, like the fingers of a lover or even a concerned mother. He felt like the dark, tormented hero in Crowe's romance novels, she thought she was hiding so well. He inhaled and exhaled. To find himself back at the moment, back where he was supposed to be. Then he got ready.

The first time he had done this, he had felt silly, always looking over his shoulder in fear, someone would see him. But in all the years, there had been no one. He put down helmet and jacket, untied his boots, and peeled the socks off. He paused, inhaling, and exhaling again. His heart was drumming a heavy beat. There was the sound of the gentle waves lapping at the sand, the muffled sound of a ship passing on the horizon. The sand tickled between his toes as he walked down the path until his feet hit the water, he stopped and started to dance. His heart and inner music guided him. Bending, bowing, throwing his leg up, arabesque, pirouette, grande plie, arms in position.

The water and sand splashed around him. He danced until the stars danced with him, and the waves echoed the drumbeat of his heart.

When the sun sent her first rays across the now shimmering blue water, there was peace inside him. For the first time in years. A calmness that settled deep into his bones replaced the wild running thoughts of the night. While he exhaled his gaze found the still injured knuckles. Scabbed over, they served as a reminder of what he must do, and it hurt. 

And then he screamed all the rage, all the pain over the water, in a desperate wish that the sea took it with it. But it bubbled under his skin, like an itch he could not scratch. He returned to the bike and put his clothes back on. Just as he was about to start the monster back up again, his phone vibrated in his jacket pocket. He swallowed, he knew who it was. Noctis name flashing before him. He checked the time. In four hours Nyx was to meet Crowe, to rehearse and to plan the next courses, then it was training for him, a quick lunch, the first kids, the groups he took over from Libs, dinner, another rehearsal, more planning, paperwork, the bar job, and then maybe sleep. He studied Noctis' contact picture. The smile looked concerned, the eyes sad. Nyx was so not up to it, so not ready, but as another message pinged in with yet another apology, that was not Noctis to give, he decided.

His knock was soft hesitant even. And Nyx had barely lifted his knuckles from the door, when he was already looking into Noctis face. His brows drawn together, eyes roaming over him. "Nyx?"

"Hi."

There was space between them. The same ocean he had stood at was opening before Nyx. He blinked, and it was Noctis again. Still, the sound of waves never left his ear.  
  
Noctis stepped to the side, prompting Nyx to move and cross the threshold. Noctis closed the door. Nyx could see the shimmer of a light coming from the living room, the rapid flickering of a TV, with no sound. The freezer hummed from the kitchen, besides that there was only their shared breathing. He turned to Noctis. The other looked tired, weary, but also hopeful.

"I'm sorry I used you in the last weeks." 

Noctis furrowed his brows. "You did not use me." It sounded like a question.

Nyx chuckled with no humor. There was a lopsided smile forming on his face. "No, Noctis, I have, and it's bad that you have not seen it, thought it."

Noctis' face scrunched up even more. "Okay." It was tentative, a question, not a confirmation. 

There was the ocean again, deeper and darker and broader, stretching beyond the horizon. Nyx gripped his helmet tighter, the creaking of his leather gloves loud in the hallway's stillness. The freezer stilled with a gurgle. Something cracked somewhere.

"I will leave."

"No, you can stay." Noctis made a step into his direction.

Nyx shook his head. "No, Noctis, this is not what I meant."

"But—" Noctis watched him, confusion clear on his face.

"I got a request from an old friend in Galahad, and I haven't been home in so long I took him up on it."  
  
Noctis blinked, processing. "When will you go?" His hands fluttered in a nervous gesture. 

"In two weeks." The blood drained from Noctis' face, the dark smudges under his eyes standing out.

"For how long?" The voice was haunting. 

"I don't know." It was the truth. There was no return date, no timeline, no real goal in his mind, just going away and then, maybe…

"Week, months—" Noctis eyes blinked, he licked his lips.

"I don't know." Nyx grip tightened even more.

"Years—" Noctis breathed, his gaze becoming empty, lost. 

"Stop." Everything hurt.

"Just, fucking tell me, when will you return?" 

It was the most demanding, Nyx had ever heard him. "Stop."

"I—"

"Stop!" An exhale, tired, Nyx was so tired. "Just stop." 

There was a broken sound from Noctis, a strange one, between a laugh and a sob. But when Nyx studied him, he could see nothing, only a blank face.

"Why? Is it because of me, because of Libs? I—" Noctis' eyes roamed around, never stopping, searching for something in the space between them.

Nyx exhaled. "It is more complicated." He forced himself to keep a steady gaze on Noctis, to watch what he was doing to the man he loved. "For years, I have been running away from things."

"So, you start now running away from me." A mix of bitterness and hurt, a cruel jab.

Nyx shook his head. "No, I stopped running, and now everything is catching up with me. It is all a mess. A mess I need to sort through." His mind flashed to his knuckles, Noctis knew none of this history, could he even understand? And even if he knew, was he able to understand at all? The rage, the fire, the wish to burn it all away with pain and drugs? Nyx looked at him, forced himself to really look at him. The innocence in his eyes, now clouded by grief and confusion. The tremble of his fingers, the hunched shoulders, protecting himself. Not meeting him head one. Taking it.

Did they ever had a chance?

"But why not here, why do you need to go away? I could help you. Just as a friend, if need to be. Just stay here."

Nyx smiled soft and sad. "No, Noctis, this is not an option."

"I don't understand." There was a desperation, a hitch in the breath.

"Yes." Nyx could see it. The way the eyes blinked, the tremble along the whole body. 

Noctis licked his lips, trying to force the words out. He swallowed and asked. "Am I not enough?" 

"No."

It was everything and nothing at this moment. A hammer blow right into whatever illusion they had crafted. The refrigerator started again, tires screeched outside, the sound of a crashing door somewhere out in the stairwell. The picture before him splintered. The desperation and confusion in Noctis morphed to anger. "Get out." He barely restrained his voice; his eyes flashed cold.

"Noct—"

"Get out!" And wrenched the door open. Nyx passed him. He hesitated on the threshold. 

"Noctis."

"Get the fuck out."

"I'm sorry." The door crashed close behind him. 

* * *

"Nyx? Everything all right?" Ignis sounded awake at this time of the night, or was it already day? Nyx blinked into the rising sun.

"Yes, no." Nyx sighed. "Can you check on Noctis?"

"You told him." Ignis voice was neutral.

"I told him." He heard rustling in the background and a sleepy murmur.

"I'm on my way."

"Thank you."

* * *

It took Crowe until lunch the same day before she cracked. 

Nyx shook his head. "Let me go through the day, we will talk tomorrow." It was a plea.

She studied him with an intensity she had last needed to use a few years ago when his fights had gotten more dangerous, and the dancing had suffered. 

"Please, Crowe." It was begging, they both knew, he never begged, never like this.

She was still unconvinced, but there was a tiny nod. 

Deep in the night, when everything was done, and he was too exhausted to care anymore, he allowed himself to grieve. 

* * *

  
The next morning he woke to sunshine and insistent knocking. Tired to the bones but sure he would not escape Crowe, he opened the front door and moved onward to the kitchen, setting up coffee. Crowe hopped onto one barstool and kept silent. Nyx plucked a letter from a stash of papers on the table and slid it over. 

"Your mother wrote to you?" She asked with surprise after she read the name of the sender.

"Read it." 

It was not long, so a few minutes later, Crowe put it down again studying him. "You will leave." Crowe tapped with the letter onto the table. "She had never accepted your choices, and now she wants help, and you go running to her?"

"It's more complicated than that, and you know it."

Crowe looked away.

Nyx sighed. "She never asked for help before." He paused, tracing something outside the kitchen window. He swallowed before looking over again. "Also, Luche asked the other day for help with his company. I planned to take a short vacation, but now…"

"What will happen to our company?" She had drawn her brows together, thinking. Her eyes searched his, she was looking for something, a final piece to the puzzle. 

"You and Libs can do it yourself. Prompto is looking promising as a future trainer, you can build him up. The kids love him already, and he is good with the stage and the equipment. I already asked our legal counsel to draft a change for the contracts, so you have more freedom for your decisions and don't need my input."

"You up everything and go, just like that?" There was no judgment in the question, only astonishment, and curiosity. This had always been his dream, his accomplishment. And now he was giving it over, without a look back.

He sighed. "I'm tired Crowe, I need a fucking break."

She was watching him for a second, she knew. "You have fallen in love."

It was the first time it was left out in the open, not just in the privacy of his thoughts. A confirmation of everything.

He blinked, but his gaze was steady on her. "Yes."

Crowe raised an eyebrow. "So, this is running?"

Putting the mugs with the coffee in front of them both, he busied himself for a moment to get the sugar and the milk. The spoon clinked against the table, he took a sip, before putting the mug down again. He looked her straight into the eyes, as he answered, "No, this is me being done with running."

Crowe smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the ending will be told next week in the last chapter: If I say
> 
> Thank you for staying with me so far. <3 You are all the best. Giving me your time to read what I have written, is the best gift for a writer. So, I'm very grateful.
> 
> See you next week!


	8. If I say

  
Oh, I can trust  
And boy, I believe in us  
I am terrified to love for the first time  
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains  
And finally found my way  
I am bound to you

(Bound to you - Christina Aguilera)

**Only now**

  
And then there was the day Noctis kissed somebody else.   
It was a punch to his gut. Nyx blinked a few times, trying to get the image to change, but under the staccato light of the club, in between the swaying bodies and the pounding rhythm, was Noctis in the arms of a stranger, laughing and kissing. Something was bubbling along his skin, something dark, something ugly. He needed to go. 

Or—

Or what? 

He didn't know anymore. Before, he would have strode over and either taken Noctis back or punched the other man. But then he knew that Noctis would have welcomed the attention, maybe not the punching, definitive not the punching. And now? In this different world, which was at the same time, still the old one, he knew nothing anymore. So he walked away. He put a hand on Libertus' shoulder and shook his head at his worried gaze. He was not sure if Noctis saw him; it had been a coincidence, both of them here at this time of the night, on this day. And even if so, it did not matter.

He walked and walked and walked. He had wanted to go home, crawl into his bed, and drown his sorrow in a pint of ice cream and some of Crowe's borrowed novels. He stopped in front of the doors to the studio. Well, old habits did die hard. 

He let himself in and walked barefoot to the middle of the big studio floor. The only light was the moon in the starless sky. The view over Insomnia breathtaking, glittering lights, and soft shadows made it look like an endless glittering sea. He was lost. 

Lonely. 

Usually, he would pound his feelings out, dance wild and with abandon, get exhausted, setting the energy inside him free. But it was not the same. Now, everything was different. He sometimes wondered why he had returned. The school was doing well without him, even if Crowe would be absent for a few months (he could come on as a guest trainer for that time), and his friends had kinda moved on. Even Libertus had matured somewhat. What was his place now? 

He sat down with crossed legs searching for the grounding for the balance in himself. Inhale. Exhale. Slow and deep. The body followed a wave, a circle, followed by the arms. He never had much love for modern dance routines, where the dancer expressed what was inside him via his figures. He had always felt silly doing them, perhaps because he had killed his inner voice a long time ago. 

But now, it was all he could do. Subtle twist and turns of his body, a shift, a slow movement. Just concentrating on the night, on himself, and on Noctis. Not the kiss, not the warmth under his skin, but that what lay beyond that. Far beyond. Bit by bit, he smiled. It spread from his lips to his eyes, his brain, over it, the neck and down below, the torso, to his fingertips, to his hips, the legs, and the feet. It set him free; it set him alight. But not the fever dream of the old, the hazy craziness, and fire filled adrenalin, that burned brighter and brighter, that pushed him higher and higher and almost crashed him back down. No, it was whole, complete, taking flight for the first time. 

This was his overture. 

Everything fell away, he stopped catching his breath. As he turned around, he stared in Prompto's awestruck face. There was a short moment of stalemate. 

"What are you—" 

"What are you—" 

Prompto scratched his neck and pointed to a small box. "I forgot parts of my camera equipment, and I need it tomorrow for a shoot for a friend." 

"Oh." 

"I… I had always known you are good. You always had that wild charisma on the stage. You controlled the group dances. Well, this sounds like overpowering, but you were in charge, and the others followed you. But this, this showed me what you can do, still can do." 

"It was nothing." Nyx was embarrassed; he had somehow exposed his soul, and there had been a witness. He was not sure how he thought about that. 

"Why are you here, Nyx?" Prompto's eyes were big and round and so curious. There was nothing malevolent behind them, only a question, between friends. He knew Prompto meant here, today, this moment in the studio. But for him, it was a more general question, so he answered the only way he could. 

"I don't know." 

* * *

Nyx thought about skipping the next outings, but it felt petty. They had not made promises besides some looks and smiles, and that didn't warrant a stroke of jealousy from his side. Did he feel sad about it? Sure, but following the cliché of the novels, as long as Noctis was happy, it made no difference to him. Well, it was not entirely true, but he could ignore that. So he pushed his feelings aside and did the one thing he could do. He made Noctis his friend again. Casual touches, friendly smiles, and no walking away. 

Something was slipping from Noctis, the tension in the shoulders that melted away with every laugh they shared, with every natural touch with every conversation that flowed between them. Noctis still kissed strangers in downtown clubs. And every time he did, there was that twinge inside Nyx, but life took a more steady pace. They pulled him back in, he was not sitting on sidelines anymore, the proverbial stranger looking in, he was Nyx again, wild running Nyx. 

So when they rushed Crowe to the hospital, it all came crashing down again. 

* * *

Woken in the early mornings by a distraught Noctis, the words "baby," "Crowe," and "hospital" had Nyx out of the door in under five minutes. He flew through the hospital doors, not even the distraught nurse, who was screaming, "ONLY FAMILY!" could hold him back. He found the maternity ward without problems, and as soon as he crossed the threshold, he found his arms full with a shaking Noctis. 

"Calm down, little star." In between harsh breaths and hiccups, he found out that the labor pains had set in, and they could not stop them; the baby was coming too early. "It is not your fault." 

"But—"

"No." Nyx was firm. 

"I send Ignis away, I told him, this was an important meeting, assured him that Crowe would be in perfect hands, and now I can't get hold of him, because I implored him to not fucking check his phone. I—" Noctis babbled on, talking himself deeper and deeper into the abyss. 

"Stop. Just stop." Nyx exhaled. How could he get—

"Nyx, Noctis!" They turned and saw Ignis rushing in on his heels Libertus. Ignis looked at them and stumbled. Nyx tried for a more reassuring smile. A nurse rounded the corner and took a surprising look at all of them gathered there. 

"So, uh, who is the father?" Ignis scrambled forward. "Please follow me." Silence followed in their wake. Noctis calmed down, still clutching Nyx shirt. 

"Libs, how did you know?" Nyx asked over the top of Noctis' head, his hair tickling his jaw.   
Libs was scratching his neck, looking embarrassed. "I was in the building, and I saw him tearing through the floor, his phone had gone up, he had forgotten to like put it on silent, but the connection was bad, and when the phone connected back, all the messages appeared. He left the meeting, and I took off with him." 

"Thank you, Libertus." Mumbled Noctis from the vicinity of Nyx' chest. 

"Not sure about the meeting, though." Libs shrugged his shoulders. 

Noctis laughed, "Fuck the meeting." Nyx hugged him tighter. 

"I will get some coffee, you need anything?" Libertus watched them with an unreadable look.   
Nyx met his gaze. "And bring us something light to eat." 

"You got it." Libertus hesitated a moment but shook his head before finding his way towards food. 

After Libs had gone, Noctis mumbled something. 

"What was that, little star?" Nyx held him a fraction tighter, he suppressed the swell of emotions, of it being right. So fucking right. 

Noctis' voice was still only a whisper, reluctant. "You can let me go." 

Nyx smiled into Noctis' hair. "Let me hold you a little longer." He closed his eyes. 

"A little?" The tone was different. 

Nyx hummed. "Just a little." 

* * *

Life after that picked up yet again. While Crowe's and Ignis' daughter may have come early into the world, she was no less healthy. Crowe recovered fast enough, even if she grumbled all the time about being confined to a bed. But this was for Ignis to witness as the rest stayed safely away. 

And weeks later, Nyx still remembered how it felt to have Noctis right there in his arms, again. 

* * *

"She already has him wrapped around her tiny fingers." Crowe looked at her daughter, a fond expression Nyx had never seen before on her face. "He comes running at the slightest noise from here." Crowe sighed. "And when I do something." 

Nyx chuckled. Watching the little fluff starring at him without blinking. "Give him time, you gave us quite a scare." 

"I suppose. So what has gotten into you?" Crowe narrowed her eyes at him. 

He waved in front of the baby. She still was not blinking. Her big blue eyes fixating him. "Shouldn't she be like that, way later?" 

Crowe shrugged. "You are evading the question." 

"I suppose," he said with a smile. 

"Nyx." His name sounded found and exaggerated. 

He tickled his goddaughter, who laughed at him with all the innocent openness, that men could envy. "I love him." 

Crowe hummed, before bending down and lifting her daughter up, the little one squealing in delight and settled in Crowe's arms. "But that is not the problem, or?" 

He rearranged himself into a crossed leg seat, clasping his own hands. "No." He relented. "I don't know how he thinks. And I don't want to destroy the fragile friendship we have established for the first time. I don't want to make it awkward again." 

Crowe was silent for a long moment, swaying her daughter to settle her. As Nyx looked up, he could see furrowed brows and a thoughtful turn to her mouth. "Even if we are close friends, he does not confine in any of us, in such matters. Maybe Ignis knows more, but he would never betray Noctis' trust." She kissed the crown of her daughter's hair, still swaying. "I can only think of getting it out into the open between you, will be the only way, you both can move forward, in any way you see fit. I don't think you ever talked about what had happened." She studied him. "Let me guess you haven't talked at all since then?" 

Nyx shook his head. "No, we never. He offered to talk, or better if I ever wanted to talk. But I never took him up on it." 

"Why?" 

Nyx stood up and walked to the windows of the living room, looking into the color-changing sky. "Fear. And also I didn't know what I wanted at that point, didn't know where I stood with all of you again. What was there to talk about if I hadn't even figured myself out?" 

Crowe stepped in front of him, her hand gentle at his cheek. "When did you get so insightful, Nyx Ulric?" 

He took her hand and kissed it. "I always have been." 

"Oi, that are my women." Came a third voice from behind them. 

Crowe rolled her eyes and turned. "We are not yours, you cretin." 

But Ignis just smiled. Nyx laughed and kissed Crowe's forehead. "Time for me to leave." 

"You can stay for dinner, Ulric," came Ignis easy reply, but Nyx shook his head. 

"Have stuff to do," he said with a wink. With that, he stepped away and crossed the living room as he passed Ignis, he murmured "Time for the ring." And with his splutter ringing in Nyx’ ear, he walked out. 

He knew where Noctis was at this time of the day. He stepped out of the apartment complex entrance onto the sidewalk and the bustling crowd that only seem to relent when the witching hour was upon them. Nyx still had a choice here. He could turn left and either return to the studio, a haven where only the music and the dance reigned, or to his own apartment, another form of hiding place, with his own regrets to keep him company. Or he could turn right and move forward, all the way to the end, regardless of the outcome. 

He set his foot forward and started to run. 

He found them in the dojo. His chest heaving with having been sprinting all the way. He tried to tone it down, trying to give himself a resemblance of decorum, but he was sure, he failed, if the looks Gladio and Noctis gave him were anything to go by. 

"Is everything all right?" It was Noctis, he was lowering the staff they had been using as he had burst through the doors. Why—oh, well, they had a track record of something happening. 

He tried for a reassuring smile. "Everything is okay, I need to talk to you. But it can wait." His gaze swept from Noctis to Gladio and back. 

But Noctis shook his head, "It's good now, we were at the end, anyway?" 

Gladio shrugged his shoulders. "Sure." He was turning his head from on to the other. "I will go to the showers. Take your time." 

Noctis nodded before sitting down to start on cool-down stretches. He looked up at Nyx. "You wanted to talk, so talk." 

Now faced with it, the words escaped him. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He sat down on the opposite, watching him. There was a sudden spark of arousal. The muscles stretching, the lithe body bending, he remembered with sudden clarity how they had felt in the depth of the night, gliding his fingertips alongside them, tasting them with his lips. He had problems pushing the memories down. He scrubbed a hand over his face. 

"I owe you an apology for how things ended. While I still think it was the right thing to do, I could have handled it differently. Please let me finish." He added as Noctis tried to interrupt him. "Things have settled for me, I took a long time to get back on my feet. Which I could do because of your help, something I never thanked you for. So thank you, giving me back the ability to dance, is unbelievable. Now I'm here again, and I admit I took a long time to understand where I'm, how I stand with our friends, and how I stand with you. I admit I'm jealous of the man you dance with, that man you kiss, but I have no right to be. As we made no promises. And I tried to be only a friend, being a someone to you, but having you in my arms again, it changed something in me, please, if you still feel something for me, let us try again, slow. I—" 

"Hey, babe, you ready to go?" 

Well, this got awkward faster than he had expected. Noctis turned around. There was a man with short blond hair lazying around in the doorway. There was a smirk on his lips. 

"Can you give us a minute, Ravus?" The other shrugged his shoulders and with a "Sure" walked out again. Noctis turned back to him. 

"I see." Nyx smiled sadly. It stung. It really did, but the world did not stop, and life went on. 

Noctis shoulders dropped. "I'm sorry, I—please give me time. I need to sort through this first." 

Nyx only nodded and stood. He mustered a small smile before he went to the door. 

"Just don't disappear on me again." Nyx stopped and threw him a smirk over his shoulder as a parting shot. 

As he stepped a second time outside this evening, everything had changed. And yet he was weightless. He nodded to Ravus (was it Ravus?), who raised a brow at him. 

Nyx walked, walked through the night, the bustling crowd. At the first bus station that crossed his way, he sat down and opened his phone. 

Nyx: well, I told him to give me a chance again, to try, and before something could be resolved we got interrupted by his boyfriend I suppose 

Crowe: Didn't know he had one… 

Crowe: I'm sorry. 

Crowe: Ignis says it is not a bf but something else? 

Nyx: It does not matter. 

Crowe: What will you do? 

Nyx: Lay low for a while, I promised Luche to check a few things with the school, and mom got used to having me around, also she has some stuff for you set aside, so I will use the chance and go back for a few weeks. The school is on summer break, anyway. 

Crowe: So no dropping off the face of the earth. 

Nyx: I try not too. 

Crowe: What will you tell Noctis? 

Nyx: The truth. 

Crowe: I love you, Nyx Ulric. 

  
Nyx: I love you too, Crowe. 

Nyx: I will be out of town for a few weeks. Crowe knows where to find me. 

Noctis never replied. 

* * *

The sun was hot, the building was even more burning, and everything was sticking to him. Nyx asked himself again, why he switched the air-conditioned studio in Insomnia for this hothouse in Galahd. Well, he had nobody to blame but himself. Crowe entertained him and Luche with pictures and videos of the little monster and the awestruck face of Ignis. She remained silent about Noctis. With a mental shrug, he stashed it away and concentrated on the choreography even if the humidity was killing him. Beautiful islands at sea his ass. 

"Huh, Nyx?" He looked down at the little boy who was pulling at his muscle shirt. "There is someone at the door to talk to you." The boy motioned for him to come down. Nyx obliged. "He looks like a gangster." He stage-whispered. Nyx chuckled and ruffled his hair. "Be careful!" Nyx winked and left the dance room. 

The small corridor was much cooler, not getting any real sun. The cold stone hitting the sole of his bare feet made him sigh. He opened the front door, and his first reaction was to walk right back into the building, he had been wrong, it was even hotter outside. It must have been so hot that he was already hallucinating. He squinted, but the picture did not change. A smiling Noctis, in a black ensemble of shorts, t-shirt and combat booth stood before them, sunglasses over his eyes. 

"Hi, hero." The voice was easy. 

"Are you insane? Come inside!" He grabbed Noctis by the hand and dragged him into the more cool shade. Inside, Nyx realized what he was doing. He let the hand with a mumbled "Sorry." go, but Noctis kept on smiling. 

"It's all right." Taking his sunglasses off, he looked around with a curious eye. Nyx knew how the place looked, run-down, dark, and at some places, dirty. But he knew Luche, and the company took great care of it, loved the place with a passion, the same he loved his place in Insomnia. He wanted to cross the arms in a more defensive gesture, but he held himself back. Noctis was not like that. He did not judge much. 

"Why are you here, Noctis?" 

His eyes snapped back. They were sharp and soft at the same time. "I'm on the search for a runaway dancer who captured my heart a long time ago." 

There was confidence in Noctis' words, but Nyx could still read him, a blink too much, a twitch at the eye, a slight jitter in the right leg. Nyx raised an eyebrow, settling against the cool wall. Sighing as the cold seeped into his hot back, sending a delightful shiver down. His eyes followed Noctis' every movement. "And what will you do, when you have found him?" 

"I told him not to drop off the earth." There was a pout around his lips. 

"I think he didn't, he told how he can be found." Nyx reminded him. 

Noctis rolled his eyes. "Crowe made me earn that information, it was brutal." 

"That's my girl." They both chuckled. 

There was a lull. They both heard the thumping of the music and the faint vocals. Luche's voice trailing behind it, giving commands, clapping in the rhythm that gave the kids the tact, they should stick too. 

"Why are you here?" Nyx stressed every word. 

Noctis sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. "Because, a few weeks ago, you made me an offer, and I'd- I want that offer. I want what you are offering." There was a faint blush forming on his cheeks, but he kept his gaze steady. He looked so earnest, like all the years back, when he took Nyx' hand and laid it on his back, on the worst of his scars, with trembling fingers and a hitch to his breath. 

"What is with, what's his name, Rave?" Nyx did not dare to hope. But who was he kidding, the hope had started the moment he had recognized Noctis standing under the blazing sun, or was it even earlier? After the confession, or before, when Noctis had called him, or all the way back, when he had left Noctis, and Noctis had grieved. 

Noctis chuckled. "Ravus. And he and I moved on." 

"Just like that?" There was some disbelieve in his voice. 

There was no hesitation in Noctis' voice. "Just like that." 

Nyx believed him. And now was it time for him, time to take the leap of faith. "The offer is still the same. I want to try again, but doing it right this time, everything from the beginning. All the silly things couples do." 

Noctis took a step in his direction. "Couples?" 

Nyx nodded. Tracking his movement. "Couples." 

Noctis stopped in front of him, he chuckled. "I would hug you, but you look gross." Nyx grabbed him and tugged him close, Noctis gave an indignant squeak, he would forever deny and let it happen. Nyx swayed with him in the arms to the rhythm of the music, that spilled down the hallway. 

"Can I kiss you?" Nyx was tracing his eyes, every speck. His voice rough and low. 

"Yes." Came the breathless confirmation. 

It was coming home. 

* * *

In a few years, Noctis would found the Aulea Foundation University and School of Arts. They would go on and incorporate the Kingsglaives Company to form the dance department, under the watchful eyes of one Crowe Altius. 

"I wanted to make you the head of the dance department." Noctis furrowed his brows like he could not imagine why Nyx would decline the honor. 

"Not gonna happen, little star. We all know, I would be terrible at it." He was still trying to get his own life and himself in order. He had good days and bad ones, but it got better. 

"But who would be a better fit?" Noctis furrowed his brows deeper. They looked at each other and came to the same conclusion. 

"Crowe." They said in unison. 

"She will terrify the other heads." There was a glint in Noctis' eyes. 

Nyx smirked. 

They would add Martial Arts under Gladio's guidance, also music, more traditional arts, other cultures, and parts of the world. Nyx would become the head of the dancers, training the trainers and choreographs. Still, giving sessions and dancing for himself, for his friends, and sometimes on the stage. 

"What are you thinking about, hero?" He stood at the window, staring out over the campus, so deep in thought, he didn't hear the other enter his small office. Two slender arms winded itself around his waist, and a smaller chest pressed against his back. 

"How lucky I'm." He looked down at the hand laying over his navel, the ring of a promise glinting in the sun. He put his own hand over it, the metals clacking together. Noctis hummed with a content note. 

Nyx saw in the soft curve of the back and the drop of Noctis' shoulders his tiredness, it had been a long week. On the way home, they would stop at their preferred food stall, and get their standard to-go-order and relax with it on the couch while watching old dance movies, with Nyx commenting every move, and if the actor did it himself, or his double.

And later, they would perform their own tender dance, reaffirming each other that the other was real. That everything was real.

Yes, he would be so fortunate. 

* * *

But right here, in a dim lit hallway with pop music waving around them, holding the man he loved in his arms again, standing on the edge of something new, he felt content. And that was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end. I thank all the readers who took the time to read this small monster of a fic. If you have a parting comment please feel free to leave it. I would gladly hear your thoughts. 
> 
> For the interested the chapter titles are also song titles:  
Chapter 1 - Leave the light on - (Leave a light on) - Tom Walker  
Chapter 2 - Starfire - Caitlyn Smith  
Chapter 3 - Close my eyes - The souls  
Chapter 4 - Hurricanes - Dido  
Chapter 5 - Mass (Re-Imagined) - Phoria  
Chapter 6 - Demons (Philosophical Sessions) - Jacob Lee  
Chapter 7 - What love can heartbreak allow - Ben Caplan  
Chapter 8 - If I say - Mumford & Sons
> 
> Again thanks for joying me in this little AU. 
> 
> For updates and stuff I'm doing, I'm obsessed with and all the other shit, catch me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sparklefly2).

**Author's Note:**

> ... Was it? Find out next week in Chapter 2 - Starfire!
> 
> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are my life. I love reading them and replying to them.


End file.
